So I’ve determined
that it’s a Momma’s job to worry.
We worry when they’re in our bellies.
Is he kicking enough?
Is he getting enough nutrients?
Was that bath I took too hot?
Is he facing the right direction?
Will he be healthy when I deliver him?
And then, when they are born we worry even more.
Is he growing enough?
Is he eating enough?
Why isn’t he sitting up yet?
Should he be walking?
How long will his fever last?
Am I reading to him enough?
Should I let him watch television?
Do we pray enough together?
Why won’t he sit still?
Have I baby proofed everything?
Should I let him eat that?
Is he too old for a bottle?
How do I discipline him?
Does he understand what I’m saying?
Should I have him in preschool?
Will he make friends easily?
Why won’t he eat meat?
Or any food, for that matter?
And there’s nothing quite like a Doctor’s appointment
to really amp up the stress.
Without fail, at every checkup
my heart starts to race when I see the Doctor open his folder,
and I know what’s coming next…
The “development” questions.
The series of questions he asks to see
how Baby W is coming along.
Every time, I worry.
Worry that he won’t measure up,
that his “percentile” won’t be in the norm,
that I will somehow be responsible for
setting him back.
And this last Doctor’s visit was no different.
Doc: Does he alternate feet when he walks up stairs?
Me: Uh, we don’t have stairs?
Doc: Well, when you’re around stairs what does he do?
Me: Uh, I guess he crawls up them.
{my palms are sweating as he jots something down in the file}
Doc: How many teeth does he have?
Me: Uh…a lot.
{ugh, I should know this one}
Doc: Ok, I’ll just count them later.
{fyi: he has 16–which basically makes him a baby werewolf}
Doc: How many words does he use in a sentence?
Me: Excuse me? {did he just say “sentence”}
Doc: How many words long are his sentences?
Me: Um, he doesn’t use sentences–ever. But he can say Ma Ma {I say with a half smile}. Does that count as two words?
Our Doctor half smiles back.
Me: How many words long should his sentences be?
Doc: Well, he should be regularly using 2-3 word sentences to communicate.
My heart hits the floor.
I’m lucky if he uses 2-3 different words a day.
The doctor notices how pale I have gotten so he puts his arm around me and utters his famous last words:
Doc: But I wouldn’t worry about it too much…
Right.
But its my job to worry.
Lindsey @ Confessions Of A Marine Wife
I'm right there with you, Ashley.
Little Bear has two cousins (one 2 weeks older than him, one a month younger). The older one has grown out of the spitting up after every meal (like, two months ago or so), and the younger one can roll over and even CRAWL.
I'm so worried, but I have been told "don't worry, it's normal."
I swear, if the doctor tells me that ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to scream.
So, you are definitely not alone.
Kelly
I don't have any kids, but I take care of so many toddlers and preschoolers at church and you sound like an awesome mom!
I wouldn't worry about it. I think docs just make everything sound worse anyway.
Mrs. Mama
my nephew JUST started saying 2-3 words together… and he is… 2 years and 3 months old.
he'll get there! don't let the doc worry you too much!
Nina @ Momma Go Round
DON'T STRESS! Since you've been sick LJ has busted out with a TON of new words. Outside, eyes, Melmo/Memo (Elmo), ball, swing. Literally all in like the last week and you can tell he's trying more. I was queen worry wart and now he's catching up just fine.
Debber Doo
I gotta say I am a little jealous reading ur post! We have been trying for almost a year, but we know it will happen in God's time! But I am sure EVERY mother worries, but thats just mom-hood. I can't wait for that day ! But Ashley don't stress it, all baby's go and grow at their own pace and all of them are different! :}
Erin @ Crafts and Sutch
Ugh! I hate well check appointments. "Will you look over this sheet? Let me know if there isn't anything he isn't doing." I hate to say that my son is 16 months old and refuses to wave. I've seen him do it once or twice, but that's it. At his 15 month check up, the doctor asked how many words he was saying…and I was like, "I hear mama when he cries." 🙂 Of course I worried that he wasn't talking enough or being social enough, but the little turkey has become a chatter box in the last month. 🙂 …and I did all that worrying for nothing…that doesn't mean that I won't continue to do it…forever. 🙂
stephanie
My little girl is just beginning to make phrases and she turned 2 in December. I try not too worry- I know she knows a lot more than she lets on! Try to relax momma!
{cam}.{haley}
Hang in there- boys seem to take longer to start really talking, and while he may not say a lot, he understands so much more! One day, it'll just be word vomit and you'll wonder why you ever worried!
Natalie K
Your doctor shouldn't make you feel like that! Every baby is so unique and I HATE how people (inc. doctors) think they should be doing certain things at certain ages! The What to Expect the First Year drove me nuts, so I quit reading it early on! I also cringe at the percentile thing when I take my daughter, only because one of the medical assistants royally screwed up measuring her head one time and it made the number way off…I was freaked there was something wrong with her!
Baby W will make his 'mini sentences when he's ready! My daughter is 19 months old and she knows a lot of words, but I think she may've only said two together like one time ("More, peez"). Those are words she knows the signs to and she signed and said them when she wanted more of a treat I gave her.
Casey
I am soooo glad you posted this. I thought I was worrying too much. I'm a regular worry-wart. 🙂
I get a little intimidated by my son's doctor. He's always asking these questions about whether he sleeps in his own room, in a crib, and with a monitor, etc… When I tell him things my son has been doing, he sometimes tells me that he's not old enough. Every baby is different; it really bothers me when the doc thinks he should conform to a certain standard, but I try not to let it really get to me too much. I guess he doesn't understand the normal over-worrying that we mothers go through thinking that we aren't doing enough for our kids.
Wow I hope I made sense with this comment. I really needed to read this post today. Thank you again for posting this!
US
You're only worried because you love him! You should be worried if you WEREN'T worrying. You're doing an amazing job. A textbook perfect child would be no fun. W is so lucky to have you as a mother, keep up the amazingly good work, Ashley!
-Makenna
Erin
Each child is different! I also used to get upset that the doctor would ask the same things over and over but not understand that my kid just didnt like him looking in his ears. He never seemed to get over that, like there was a behavior problem or something….but see, there I got over thinking what the doctors facial expressions meant. I cannot imagine the stress you feel, just know your not failing as a momma! 🙂 Keep the chin up
melbry15
I know exactly how you feel! (see previous blog – http://ticklebugz.blogspot.com/2011/02/mommy-guilt.html). Miss T transitioning at all and she's almosst 11 months old! She doesn't sit herself up, she doesn't pull herself up, she doesn't crawl and she only rolls "by accident". We just have to trust our instincts as Mamas and trust God that He will provide and see us through! You're a great Mama! You're doing a great job with Baby W!
Nicole
Omg, this is so dead on! You described exactly how I felt and still feel all the time!! You are a great mom!
Love your blog and how honest you are!
Caitlin
ok how old is baby W? because my baby is 22 months old and he doesnt use sentences either. he barely even uses "real words." its more like baby mandarin language. so does that mean my baby is behind too?? now IM worried!!!! ahhhhhh 🙁
Kellie
How old is your son? Just think about all the worrying you did before and how everything always works out fine!
Lauren
Doc is right…don't worry too much. It seemed like it took forever for my little man to sit up, crawl, walk, talk, and yes, even climb stairs. He does it all now, and more.
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Jayna Rae
Seriously, don't worry about it. Most children have between 50-100 words between ages 2 & 3. Just make a list of words as he learns them. This will make you feel less stressed.
JoEllen
Every child develops differently and at different levels and speeds. I have 3 boys and they are all different. You can't compare. Baby W is fine. I didn't talk until I was 2 and I turned out fine :). It is a mother's job to worry, but mostly worry if he feels loved. It will all work out. Take it to the Lord to feel peace and comfort.
Melissa
Okay I thought that I was an over protective mama cause my husband's family always says so.. but I recently started asking other mom's about their worries & fears & I have found that it is our job to worry. I have a lot of the same worries as you my friend.
I think every child is different as to when they are ready to learn something or start a new milestone. I think every child is unique & smart in there own way at their own time. Don't let the doctor or what studies show worry your pretty little heart. I am sure he is fine. My cousins baby will be 3 next month & just started using words.. not sentences words.. & that doesn't mean he is behind it just means he wasn't ready yet. My niece didn't start walking until she was 17 months & she too is only saying words & she is now 21 months. My daughter didn't start going up the stairs on her feet until she was 24 months & we have always had stairs. So just know that he will do these things when he is ready. From what I see & read you are great momma & are doing a great job at raising him 🙂
Graceful Moments
Each child is different, each progresses at his or her own perfect pace…don't fret. Philippians 4:6-7
Christy
As a mom of three (almost 4), worrying is just part of everyday life!! My oldest didn't start talking in 3 word sentences until he was about 3 1/2 and had been in Speech Therapy for a few months (in his preschool). I still can't understand him sometimes and he's almost 6!! And even though I haven't loved worrying and wondering, he is doing just fine. Like others have said, all babies grow at their own pace. Especially boys!! I try to avoid the Dr's office because the info they have on the 'norms' are based off such a small group of children, with basically no ethnicity to speak of, that they are not so accurate. The first child is always the worst, wondering when all their firsts are going to happen. My favorite lesson that is the hardest to apply is: don't stress over things you can't change, and don't stess over things you can, just change them. So hard to do! Hang in there, and my last word of advice, do your utter BEST not to compare! Someone's child will always be ahead of yours, and you will always worry because of it! 🙂 Just enjoy it while it all happens!
Mommyblogger
This is so very true. Just wait till 12 years old! I've always been told it is easier to have them stepping on your apron strings than on your heart strings. I now know what that means.
Kelsee
Ugh! I know exactly how you feel! Only, my problem is that I compare my son's vocabulary at 2 to his sisters'! She was speaking full sentences, paragraphs, knew every animal noise, every body part, could hold full conversations with adults and have no problem. My son? His words at 25months are car, dad, no and OW! And I have been stressing for months about his vocabulary but his doctor said not to worry about it. (Que the immature noise of PFFFFFFFFF!) Boys are different than girls and every child learns at their own pace. You are a wonderful momma and he is doing fine!
Amy
I agree with your doc in that I'm not sure you need to worry yet. But if you decide you are worried, you can always get a second opinion or have him evaluated by your local early intervention. For some peace of mind, if nothing else.
Megan
Ugggg…I am going through the same exact thing right now with my almost two-year old. These appointments are so gloomy, and I have a slew of them coming up. It was very refreshing to see this post. I am glad I am not alone. Thank you for sharing your worries! I hope you and your family have a fabulous weekend. Hugs from Austin!
Robin
I would like to add a different perspective. I am the mommy of three awesome kids – my two youngest are autistic. So I am very well acquainted with developmental delays and not meeting the "norm". But I have learned that it's not the end of the world. In fact, it doesn't matter at all. My babies are all wonderful, unique and just the way Heavenly Father intended them to be! :0)
Carmen @ Life with Sprinkles on Top
Don't EVEN worry about him talking. He will talk soon enough. He's fine. 🙂 My son didn't really talk until he was three and now he's 7 and SUPER smart! And with all that said, I know it's so easy to worry. We're mommies, that's what we do.
Lindsay
You spoke my words exactly. I think Weston is right behind my Landyn in age. We are going through THE SAME thing. Our Dr freaks me out!
Kelsey
i'm studying language of toddlers right now in school and while they say that is the "norm" most kids are hit the 2-3 word sentences a few months later. just keep talking to him and encouraging hiim to say more words and one day they will all come out at once! your a great mom..don't stress (even though that is your job haha) he will be just fine!
Shelley
This is very well written and so true…Being a mother of three children spread out very far in age I can tell you…"Don't worry about it"…. All children move to the beat of a different drummer…When you think you have one phase figured out, you soon discover they have already moved on to another one. Love them & enjoy the ride.
Ashley
Ashley, it does get easier with each one…when i had my son, I was at the docs quite oftenly…was he nursing enough? why does his poop look just like mustard :)? Is he colicky? And now throwing two more children into the mix, it all becomes a little easier to grasp and you just "know", the difference with cry's, etc. Now….if limbs aren't falling off, we don't go to the hospital heheheWhen it comes to my hubby…I guess he thinks he is still a new dad, he's a bit dramatic hahaha. I'm here to support you my dear as I'm sure the rest of these wonderful blogging ladies! Xoxoxo 1942charm.blogspot.com
Free Pretty Things For You
My Ariel is almost 19 months and she sitll Doesnt sleep through the night.. alwasy want a bottle in the middle of the night.. HATES HATES HATES food.. only wants her bottle .. HATES to brush her teeth.. total worry wart here!
Lova ya girly!
Free Pretty Things For You
My Ariel is almost 19 months and she sitll Doesnt sleep through the night.. alwasy want a bottle in the middle of the night.. HATES HATES HATES food.. only wants her bottle .. HATES to brush her teeth.. total worry wart here!
Lova ya girly!
Sabi
Hi 🙂 I'm not a momma, and I don't intend to "lecture" you somehow, but I think I can ease your worries on this one. My mother is swiss and came to Portugal when she met my father. She always wanted to raise her kids bi-lingual – she would talk to us in German (actually swiss-german) and we would get the portuguese from our father and the rest of the environment. Everyone in my father's familly thought this was strange and speccially my oldest aunt had a big problem, because she wanted to have a say in how every niece and nephew were raised. But, when my brother was a year and something old, he still wouldn't talk. They blamed it on my mom, saying it was her fault, because she was confusing the baby with the strange language and stuff… After weeks of this, my mom caved in and stopped talking in German, but my brother was very upset : he didn't talk, but he understanded her, and he was confused that she didn't talk to him the same language she always did. She then decided to shut out the negative criticism and continued with what she had done until then. My brother was a late talker, but he turned out to be always a very good student, both in school and in university. Later on my mother came to know that intelligence in babyes can reveal itself either when they start to talk real soon or much later! Don't worry : Baby W will surely turn out to be very intelligent 🙂
Tania
I'm with you..Thursday was our 18 month check, I say "our" as I feel like I'm being checked up on too.
My Little says one word… and it has days- its Ola (hello is Portuguese), today she said pa pa… which I'm deducing it must be papa (daddy), and well, that's it!!!
Everyone tells me that its normal, she is learning 2 languages, I speak to her in English, and the rest of the family in Portuguese.
I sometimes feel she is very behind, and I get the feeling she doesnt understand me….so I got all worked up, and started thinking there was something wrong… as you say, we worry, and worry about everything!!!
In 2 months times ( When she is 20 months old) her doc, says we will make a few tests, and that set me off even more. But she said that each child each different, and what she sees as she is very advanced in puzzels ( she can put the right shapes in the right places) that made me feel warm inside, as I taught her. But then the rest come flooding back in…maybe if she was in day care, she would learn quicker etc, etc… but after talking to some family members, and they kind of calmed me down, I decided to make Flash cards. and hopefully she will get better…. so Just so you know…. you are not the only one.
Kayla
I don't feel like your Dr is very good at letting you know how great you are doing. My daughter is 8months now and I find that I compare to my friends' kids and have even gone back on your blog to see what Baby W was doing at certain stages and she still doesn't "measure up" with everything. It is so hard not to worry, but I'm also trying to tell myself often that my child is healthy and happy and the rest comes from God.
StressTheSeams
I am in tears from your post. My twenty six month old boy twins are in a similar boat. But when I express my worries, I'm told it's normal for twins, boys, premmies, to be slower at some things. But I still find myself shocked and stressed over it all! And now we need to either seriously look at potty training or breaking the milk to bed habit. And don't forget moving intmbig boy beds since we can take our cribs apart while we are in them. Scared and worried. That's the life of a momma.
Kaylyn
Doctors just have that where they make you so worried. My little ones didn't talk much either but is catching up just fine. Thanks for having such a fun blog.
Emily
I know how you feel! When we went in for my daughters 2 year well child visit, they sent us a 5 page packet to fill out on things that she should be doing. With a nice sheet at the end where we could tally her scores. Then there was a nice outline that if she was in the "grey" or "black" area that she needed additional help because she was behind. Scared me to death. I am a stay at home mom, so it would be my fault if she was behind! Our Dr. is very good, and was very encouraging to us, but I stressed out for weeks about that stupid little packet. Ugh!
Sue Ann
This is exactly why we do not go to the doctor…… why do I need them?? For immunizations ?? I do not do that and I for sure do not need them to tell me that my child is not in this or that percentage of whatever. With baby number one I tried the check ups even though we were not immunizing and then on the dreaded 1 year check up ….. how many words does she speak? ME: NONE …… Doctor NONE?? with a shake of the head. My husband was there laughing in the corner because he knew what was coming next. ME: That is right NONE ……she does not speak at all …… BUT she can sign about 75 words and will sign as she sees things. Big Momma smile. Dr: That is not speaking ……. ME: (pissed) can you sign?? how about I whisper words in her ear and then she does the sign and you tell me what she is saying?? Then I will ask you a few questions. Of course I could not leave it there and explained how our Emma does not cry when she wants something she communicates with us. When she is thirsty she tells me, if she wants to eat or maybe if she wants to eat cheese or a fruit she will tell me exactly so how about you not talk about my DD speech again…. how about that ?? Doctor FIRED!! I think that was number 3. At 2 years old she was speaking in compound sentences and signing ….. YOU ARE THE MOMMA BEAR ……. you know when it is not right. You birthed him, fed him in the middle of the night when no one wanted to know your name, spit up on you and poop all over the house ……. do not come in here and question me like that …… You are a great momma 🙂
Ellen
Hey Ashley! I found that when I stopped reading the parenting books, stopped looking at what the other kid's his age were doing, stopped stressing about that look the Doctor gave me when my little one didn't match up to the general guidelines of progression, my neurosis went out the window and I enjoyed my little boy way more just wherever he was right then. Ethan's 22 months, his speech is not where it "should" be but he's not deaf, he understands far more than i want him to sometimes, and I figure he has a good, what… 70-80 years to perfect his vocab!!
but yes, worrying comes with the territory and we mommies need to stick together and give a boost where needed! and from what I see and read from your blog, I think you are a great, fun, and loving mommy!
xx
hotpants™
My doctor is so great about this stuff. Our first doctor wasn't which is why we switched to someone else in the practice. My daughter turned 2 in November. She's just now starting to talk. She's been verbal for a while, but the talking didn't amount to any actual words. Now, she's up to about 25 words. She still doesn't say Mama. So far, she's only used 2 sentences that I know of. When she wants to watch a dvd, she says I WANNA WATCH. She also says HERE I IS when she plays peek-a-boo. Hilarious!
This is one that I wouldn't worry about although I know it's easier said than done.
Woodard Gang
Cute post 🙂 It's nice to know I'm not the only one who licks a q-tip to get off a smudge of mascara…in fact, did it just ten min ago!!
I've come to your blog alot and one thing I have noticed..(besides that your gorgeous and super photogenic!!) is your lip color and often wondered what you wore! Now I know…I can sleep tonight…haha 🙂
Nicolette
I wouldn't worry too much. It will happen in due time. Everyone says "they will just have an explosion of words one day." I was very nervous as well and then within the last few weeks it just happen (btw: daughter is almost 22 months). I used to keep a list of her words but now it is just so frequent I can't keep up and all in just a few weeks. It will happen for Baby W, too!
When I was in worry mode I started surfing around and found a great blog by a mom who is a speech therapist. Here is a link to a post she wrote about toys and games to promote language development if you are interested. The rest of her blog is also very informative.
http://mommyspeechtherapy.com/?p=1005
lauren@warmandfuzzy
I missed your post yesterday and as a preschool teacher I would just like to say yes, its yoru job to worry and yes you are going to. But yeah doctors love to tell you all this stuff to make you feel like you are the crazy one. YOU ARE NOT!! Baby will take when baby wants to not when the book or when the dr. tells him to!! I have an 11 month old in the room right now coughing his head off and I KNOW that he is going to eventually GET something they can treat but until then I will just keep brining him in and they will just keep telling me its a virus, Mommas know, dr's think they know! Baby will be JUST FINE trust ME!!
Kerrie P.
We have been through a simialr situation. I would suggest you keep in mind that "norms" are an average…some slower some faster, but it is good to keep an eye on where your little one is developmentally. It is not a judgement of you as a parent, but rather a guide for you. Your job is to do what is right for your kiddo. There are programs out there to assist when necessary. We did speech therapy with our 3rd child. It was a wonderful experience. Your job is to be the advocate and get help when help is needed!!! I would also strongly encourage baby sign language. Helpd our little guy communicate and develop his words. You of course have to speak as you are signing to help them connect the two. The babes learn so quickly at this age! It was amazing to me that on the first day we did this with our little guy in just a couple of hours he picked up 7 new signs/words and was using them to communicate. AWESOME!!! He is almost 4 now and is a great communicator!
Amber
I totally love this post! I worry about all of those things as well! My friend just moved her daughter, who is 2 months older than my son, into a bed. I went home freaking that we need to buy a bed and my husband had to calm me down and talk some sense into me! And I hate the doctors as well! We have an appointment coming up next month and I am going to get the bottle lecture and I'm not excited about it. My little man is 17 months old and doesn't use sentences either! Now I'm freaking out about that, thanks! Hehe!
Renee
I'm a peds nurse so I see kids at many stages. Some do things early, some do things later.
I think boys often talk later than girls (you know we gotta get a headstart on them).
here is a link for a site that shows how there are so many different ranges for what is "normal" at each age.
And guess what-when he is 34 you will still worry:) My daughter will be 35 this year.
Renee
Oops, I forgot the link.
http://www.kidsgrowth.com/stages/guide/index.cfm
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Hespyhesp
Don't worry about it too much. I've been in the same boat. My little guy is 22 months and he has just started putting two and three word sentences together. They have been telling me he was behind since 15 months and actually recommended a speech therapist. However, after talking to some BTDT moms, I decided that it would be best to just leave it alone. I try to encourage him to use his words because I know that he understands me when I talk to him. Is baby W like that? Because I think that that is what's more important at this age. My little guy has a little friend the same age (actually 6 wks younger) that can already count to ten and another that is already potty-trained. That makes me feel greeeaaaaat! I'm like, "Well, uh, Haeden says bye-bye to his poo poo when I change his diaper!" Yeah!
Emily
I took my daughter in for her 18 month check-up today and totally thought of this post when they asked me if she alternated legs when going up the stairs. She too just crawls up them, and we have stairs – she does it several times a day, but still only crawls. Still no two word sentences either, really hardly any words at all. She'll get there, I'm not worried and you shouldn't be either! 🙂
M.O.T.B
Oh there is so much about which to worry. And it is amazing the strength we have as Moms to incorporate that into everything else we do while making those little ones a priority.
BYJU K JOSEPH DEAF AND DUMB
i am a deaf and dumb man. i am suffering from my leg varicose and body weaks we are family suffering from us body pain etc., we are lives in us body how? God made all people and everythings. we must obey GOD only we accept suffering like JESUS CHRIST very good.
baidu123
I would wish to stick to this blog with my twitter. How am i able to do that?
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