I posted my secret nearly a year ago.
I made myself vulnerable.
I put it all out there,
in hopes that the exposure would give me
some control,
some resolve to stop.
And it did.
For about two months.
But then I got comfortable,
and I started to pull again.
A lot.
And for the past few months
I haven’t been brave enough to talk about it again,
to appear weak
or fragile
or even worse…
like a failure.
You see, for years
I have always been smart about my pulling;
carefully selecting hairs that no one would miss,
that wouldn’t alter my hair style,
that wouldn’t result in a bald spot.
And sure, my hair was thinner
but my extensions could hide that for me.
It was my little secret.
But this time has been different.
This time my pulling is obvious.
This time I can’t hide the damage I have done.
This time, people are noticing.
And this time I am mortified.
Those closest to me,
have very cautiously,
and very sensitively,
and very nervously mentioned
and ever so slightly alluded to the fact
that they can tell I have been pulling more than usual.
I notice them trying to disguise their glances at my thinning hair.
But I catch them looking,
and then I see the worry on their faces,
and it breaks my heart.
I think for the most part I have been in denial,
focusing my attention on my busy toddler and his sleep condition,
or my husband and his recovery,
all the while telling myself,
Oh, it’s ok, I can stop tomorrow–I have control.
But I never stop tomorrow.
And I don’t have control.
And it’s time I admit that.
So as much as this kills me,
and trust me, it does,
I feel the need to take drastic measures,
in my second attempt at resolve.
My first post revealed my secret,
but now it’s time to expose it.
No more hiding behind a mask of what appears to be thick flowing hair…
Because this is what I let you see:
And it makes me sick to my stomach.
Makes me feel weak.
Make me feel like a disappointment
to those who believe in me.
Makes a girl who needs to be in control
feel like she’s losing it.
And that scares me.
I hope I didn’t freak you out too much.
Can we still be friends?
Mommy to ♥Pickle and SugarPlum♥
Sending you hugs, positive thoughts, patience, and most importantly, LOVE and understanding.
Tracy
xoxoxoxox
Nichelle @ Vintage Wanna Bee
I hope you know that, we are with you! We love you! And, I think you are so strong and amazing. You uplift me everyday. Thank you for being YOU. The good and the bad. We all have things we want to change, but are scared to do anything about it. Thank you for having strength and giving so many strength. You're so loved and cared for. Hang in there. LOVES.
Erin
Isn't the 1st step admitting?
You are very brave and strong to put it all out there the way you have.
And you can do it….you will do it!
And no matter what, you are still beautiful down to your core!
Yvonne
Many hugs. We all have our secrets and you are amazing for admiting yours to many people. Take it day by day and have faith you have the strength to do this.
Tracy @CherryBlissPhotography/AvaMarieCreates
Much love to you. Know that you are not a disappointment, and that we all have things we struggle with in life. Just take positive steps towards healing this and know there are sooo many people here to support you.
xoxox
Ashley
You amaze me! I am humbled by your bravery to face your problem head on! I wish I were that brave. You are a beautiful daughter of God. Keep smiling. I will keep your struggle in my prayers.
Hugs!
Ashley
April
Your friends will never judge … we are here to support you and send you words of love and encouragement. You are looked up to for all your beauty inside and out, and are an inspiration to so many!
xoxo
kate
You're beautiful Ashley. Sending you lots of love.
Jen @ tatertotsandjello.com
Ashley —
You are wonderful. I love you more knowing that you struggle. And I respect you so much to put yourself out there. I wish I could do the same. You are amazing and we all love you so much!!!!
xoxo
Jen
Jayna Rae
Girl, its okay. Promise. My bestie does the same thing and picks at her arms too. She passes it off as flipping her hair or shaking it out with her hand. Her husband and I know what she is doing though, and we smack her hand down. Then she gives us the pouty face. I have noticed over the years that increased stress equals increased picking/pulling. Before you get too down on yourself, embrace the positives. You are healthy. You are gorgeous. You have a family who loves you. You are a successful woman and momma. Pretty much you rock!!! And, well sometimes, you get a little nerve racked and you give in. I would like to tell you that you will stop, but I cannot say that because I am in no way clairvoyant. Instead, I will tell you that you are not alone. You seem to have a great support system. Additionally, you are brave for being so candid. It is quite admirable.
Missy
Prayers for you! We still love you.
emerson-j
u r amazing and strong. we all have these secrets and obstacles we fight to overcome. i have a similar habit i struggle with…its hard…
Casey
I think it's so brave of you to talk about this! You are beautiful, and I believe you have the strength to get through this one way or another.
I'll still be your friend 🙂
natalieshawn
you are so brave. i totally admire you. please don't beat yourself up. we all have something. i have recently come to terms with the fact i'm a food addict. many of the things you wrote about, are exact how i feel about food. it's hard to feel out of control. please remember how much joy you bring to us all with your beautiful blog. i'm sending lots of love and light your way.
~natalie
Ashley
You are so brave! We all have things we struggle with so you are not alone. I still love reading your blog and I really admire your honesty. *Hugs*
2tiaras
Ashley – you are my Favorite blogger. Your have a beautiful way of presenting the good, the bad, and the challenges of life.
Samurai Mom
I don't know if it helps but I wanted to let you know that I have a friend that has TTM and I told her about your little trick of using hair extensions and she got some and loves them and she is so grateful you shared your secret.
Alison@Mama Wants This
You're very brave to admit your secret. Real friends won't abandon you, they'll be right there where you need them. Sending you love and light.
Lindsay
This makes me like you even more (as if I actually know you) I commend you for being so honest and REAL…you are a beautiful person and sometimes little "flaws" are what make a person unique…
Delighted Momma
Leslie
Its amazing that you can admit your secret and share it! I don't have the strength to take that step as many others don't. I don't look at you any differently and I don't think others will. I hope that you can conquer this and am amazed at how you stepped out and are raising awareness.
Jennifer
So I commented before how I used to pull out my hair too, sometimes I still do, I like the feel of it to be completely honest. But my real self destructive, trying to control what I can't behavior is eating. I am a food addict. I eat especially when I'm stressed or upset. And I hate myself for it. I tell myself I am terrible all the time. And yet I don't stop over eating, no matter how much I tell myself to stop. I look in the mirror and immediately feel ugly. I hate having my picture taken. I don't think you're weak or a failure. I think you're brave and honest.
elisakoranda
Hi there! You don't know me – I just started following your blog within the last week or so (totally love it!). But, I saw this post and wanted to let you know that I totally understand. I do this, too. Usually when I am super stressed – last year I had a noticeable bald spot – right up front. I find myself doing it a lot – mostly when my hair is down so, I try to wear it up all the time. Anyway, I could go into more detail but wanted to let you know that you aren't alone! And it sounds like you have tons of supportive people around you! I'm here if you want the shoulder of a stranger!
ljudd
Oh sweet Ashley- I hope you realize how much courage it takes to put yourself out there like you've done. You are brave,you are a good momma, wife and daughter. You have so much going on in your life now and my hope is that you know how truly special you are to so many people. Hugs and encouragement to you precious!
Sophy
You are not weak! Anything but, you have a gorgeous toddler, who will be understandably busy and doing all sorts of things that stress you out. Your husband is needing you too, and that's okay! Really we all love you, I know I'm acting like I know you in real life, but I feel like I do. Don't be ashamed of how you cope with things. Ever. You are beautiful and strong and you have support in all the right places.
X
Free Pretty Things For You
::BIG HUGS::!!! You are totally our hero!!
Free Pretty Things For You
::BIG HUGS::!!! You are totally our hero!!
Maestra Orquestra
Hugs and prayer being sent your way!
Aretusa
You've been crystal clear to us all.
I admire You.
You are wonderful.
Do never change-
Things will be ok as soon as the can.
If you want to plan a holiday in Sicily to relax and feel better, please call me, I will do my best for you
Ciao!
http://petitepoohmonamour.blogspot.com/
Our really empty nest
Ashley, you are a brave and very beautiful woman, i will pray for you that you find the strength to stop. Sue
a few of my favorite things
sending you hugs…you are wonderful you:)
Isa
You are the most gorgeous blogger in the entire blogland.
We LOVEEEEEEEEE YOU!
april
of course we can still be friends! everyone deals with stress differently- and you're still an amazing woman- even if you have a not so secret secret!
I'll be praying for you too!
Kate B.
Nobody is perfect…and I love how honest and truthful you are about your life.
Thanks for sharing and know that I am praying for you.
Kim@todayismysome-day
Ashley, you WILL overcome this! The best thing to do with a secret is bring it into the light! It doesn't have as much power over you if it's not your struggle alone- privately. You are strong and brave, and now you are accountable. Our prayers are with you.
MommaIzzy
I wouldn't be embarrassed but I would be honest with yourself and your doctor! I'm the skin picker of the crowd. You can tell that when my arms look great it's because I'm relaxed and my life isn't at a peak stress moment. But this morning in the shower, I've noticed that I've picked my arms into almost a bloody pulp because I'm in the last two weeks of graduate school and my baby is sick! *Hello High Stress and Anxiety!*
With your kiddo's sleeping issues and your husband's knee, I'm not surprised you're pulling more. Have you ever considered getting help for anxiety either through talk therapy or medicine? I pick exponentially more when I'm not in therapy and it's because of anxiety.
Good luck to you!
Yolanda @ Miss Refashionista
Ewwwwwwww, I don't want to be your friend anymore (kindergarten voice) j/k
You are super duper awesome, but seriously quit it!!!
Research the net for ideas. I google everything.
Lee Ann
You are definitely one of the bravest people I know to talk about your secret and tell everyone. You rock in my book!! I will be praying for you to find a solution that works for you and will be here.
Girl of The Grove
Sending lots of hugs and positive vibes your way.
Heather
Thanks for sharing with us- we can support you and I know I'll definitely be praying!
gin
Ashley
I'm praying for you! You are so brave to post this and I wish I could offer you advice but I can't. Only to keep your sweet little hands busy and push all that hair in a beanie so you won't be tempted! (and I'm just being silly!)
Lovely Light
Please know that you are being so brave, just sometimes our bravery doesn't show itself in the way we want. I wish I could be even half as brave as you, really. I can only imagine what you are going through (but I'm pretty good because I'm trained to). Have you ever tried having others catch you and remind you to stop? Or do something visible (like a jar collecting coins or stickers on a chart) so every time you do it (or don't do it), you track it. Sometimes the visual aid, of how much you're doing it, or how many times you resisted, can be just enough to keep you going for the next ten minutes. Hugs!
Krissa
I am a new follower to your blog and love the fact how honest you are. I love getting up for the day to see what you have to share with us. You are a very brave girl!! Thank you for the inspiration you give me each day!!
Natalie @ Johnny In A Dress
Sending lots of love your way! You are an amazing woman and mother! Thank you for your honesty!
Cheryl
I applaud your courage and your willingness to share. Just think of what an impact you might be having on someones life. Maybe you are giving them "courage" as well. No one is perfect and is they think they are they are lying to themselves.
Thank you for your honesty,
Cheryl
Marcella
you are so brave for posting this…may your struggle get easier and may you find other ways to cope. thank you for having the courage to post the picture. xo
Stephanie
Ashley-I wish we could all come give you a huge hug! I am new to your blog-just a week or so and have been so envious of your beauty and especially your gorgeous hair. I convinced myself you must have extensions and so my hair wasn't on the same playing level for comparison…even wondered how much hair extensions cost so I could look so cute : ) I forget ALL the time that the people I think are so perfect are really just like me. And now that I know about your secret, it just makes me more envious of you…envious that you are SO strong that you could let us so far into your life. You have blessed me with this post.
I have a blog to talk about my struggles with motherhood based on my daughters' special needs. It has been so freeing but as real as I am on there I still haven't been as open as you. It's an inspiration.
I think I used to have a slight issues with the same struggle when I was a child. I used to pull out my hair too. I was so worried about what others thought that I did keep it unnoticeable. There were other repetitive issues I had at the time as well such as hitting and biting myself…I guess my child version of cutting in a way. Some of this stuff lasted into my late teens. I wish I had some answer for how it ended…I think mostly it was because I let God heal so much of my past hurt…but somehow it just gradually fell away. Anyway…I think mine was so much less than what you are struggling with.
I know about your faith so I know you KNOW that GOD is bigger than any of our problems. He can heal…He CAN…but so many times this is simply something we have to carry. But you are not alone. God is with you through this. And now you've got my prayers added in with the thousands of others I know are praying for you. May God bless you and give you comfort. I pray that God will help you by taking control of this for you so that you don't need to struggle for the control.
It's all SO hard. Motherhood, marriage, life in general…it is SO hard. But we are in it together. And I am sending my sister-in-Christ love to you!!! Prayers and hugs!!! And don't worry…not interested in fluff…I need the real stuff! <3
AmAzOn
Bless your heart. I cannot imagine what you go through. Praying for you.
Sarah @ The Bird's Papaya
Oh Sweet Ashley.
You clicked publish for a reason. You're helping people in their own struggles by sharing your own.
Don't let this get a stronghold on you!
Much Love!
Chrissy @ Boerman Ramblings
Ash you know we will always be BFF's not matter what! this just makes us even stronger! you are so awesome and I know you can get past this! keep your head up and know there are thousands praying for you!
Mindy
Your struggle brought tears to my eyes. You had written it so well that I felt you were confessing to me.
I hope that things get better for you and that you will be able to overcome it.
You are adorable and I envy your beauty – inner and outer.
Monica
I'm a pretty new reader to your blog (a few weeks only). You have so much courage for sharing your secret and now exposing it. It sounds like you have a great support system, both at home and in the blog world.
Love your creative, funny, informative blog!! You are beautiful, inside and out!!
Jen
Hey Ashley, I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now. I just wanted to let you know that I really admire you and your bravery for being so open with the blogging world. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but if solving these kinds of problems was easy, we wouldn't be here. I know how easy it is to get overwhelmed and stressed and caught up in a whole lot of stuff that isn't nearly as important as your own health. Take time to take care of yourself. All the best, love and hugs to you!
The Lingo Family
Thank you for your brutal honesty. You are SO BRAVE!
Silly Stamper
Looks like you have a ton of supporters! Add me to the list. We all have our things. I'm OBESE, because I find comfort in food. I have feelings of shame & guilt too, & I keep working on it. We're all only human. I'm still here. Sending hugs!
Michelle
Courtney
If anyone stops being friends with you because if this, they are lying to themselves also. We all have secrets and we all of little things we do to ourselves, you are beautifully normal, hugs!
Lindsay
Ashley, I admire you for exposing yourself even more. We are ALL behind you and and admire your willingness to share your story and ACCEPT what is going on. Im so glad we've become friends and look forward to our friendship growing even more 🙂 HUGS
melbry15
It's because of your inside beauty that we love you! Your courage is inspiring. We all have our dark seasons in our life, some last longer than others, but God only gives us what we can handle. You can get control of this through Him! And, through this trial, He is refining you and preparing you for the time when you'll be able to help someone else in their own trials. Never be ashamed to reach out for help or encouragement! Even bloggy BFF's can be there for each other!
Erin
Ashley, the best advice I can give you is to learn how to NOT control. I have dealt with anxiety disorder since I was about 13, it has been greatly reduced by learning how to really roll with the punches life throws at you and not trying to control it. I wish you the best of luck in finding helpful coping techniques. I will still be your friend and share my secret with you. I hate my family right now. My 3 year old got diagnosed with autism yesterday and my dad and sister (the only ones in my family I told, because I couldn't stomach to tell anyone else after their reactions) don't believe it and think he will "outgrow" it. Ugh! Wishing you the best.
staceykt22
Sending you Hugs… You'll get through this. Have faith <3
Tracy J
I am thinking of you! xoxox
Jessica @ jessicaNdesigns
First of all, of course we can still be friends! <3 second of all, it takes a lot of courage to admit and expose that! I am proud of you! Though i have no idea what it is like, I send prayers and love your way!
Shelley
Ashley-
You are a beautiful, amazing, and brave woman. We all love and support you! Hugs, hugs, and more hugs to you 😀
Shelley
Mrs.J
I've been loving your blog for awhile now, and usually I don't comment much, but I want you to know, you'll be in my prayers. I have a friend who had the same condition and she did the same thing, exposed her secret to her friends and neighbors to stay accountable. You're so brave! Hang in there, and God bless!
Rachel
You are not alone in this. I have the same problem, and it's so hard and because you're the only one that can do anything about it, it's all up to you (and me). I thought I was the only one. Maybe we can help each other in some way, keep each other accountable. I think it would help to have someone to talk to about it, who understands.
Lisa
You are so brave to talk about this so openly. Do you realize the courage you give others by doing so? And you know – we all have our things. You're still a beautiful girl and writing about this makes you even more so. My cool, sweet, capable, awesome mom has this same issue since she was a young girl and anti-anxiety medication helps her, but I know that's not the solution for everyone. Keeping you in my prayers that you'll find a way to deal with it!
Anonymous
Oh Ashley, bless your sweet heart! May God bless you and your family. I pray that you will seek comfort in Him, your Heavenly Father who loves you more then you could ever know. He can help you be in control and is there when you are scared. You are a strong, sweet, beautiful Princess who's inheritance is in Heaven. Let him help. Blessings, hattie
amycornwell
Bless you for your honesty and vulnerability! I'm praying for you and know that we're all here to encourage you and help you!
eleaka
I do not know you, but at the same time my heart is sad for you. Sad that you feel so out of control. When i feel quite the opposite for you. I feel you have tremendous control and courage. You are trying to fight your urges everyday despite the great challenge it brings on top of being a mother and wife. It takes so much strength to juggle all of lifes obstacles, but it also takes some control. I feel you have not lost that. So please do not for once say that about yourself. You got this girl. You will overcome this today and find that happiness and strength that you know you have. You have tons of people out there who feel the same way about you. I dont know you, but I can see that special butterfly of light that surrounds you in all your pictures and your words. You are amazing. Keep smiling .
Leah Koenig
You mean to tell me you ARE human?? From what I've seen of your blog you are more of a goddess, a beautiful person and a creative genius! Bad habits and little quarks are what make us all human! Good Luck taking control!
Katie
Sending lots of love and prayers your way! I think it is so awesome that you shared your secret because you don't know how many people's lives you've just touched. You are so beautiful and talented, so don't ever forget that!!
Tracy 1117
You are not weak at all, look at the strength it took to share your secret in the first place. We all have things about ourselves that we need to change. You are beautiful, talented and you should never feel less than that:)
Dawn
My brother used to do this. It can be related to stress, depression, anxiety, etc. and often people don't even realize they're doing it. Not sure if you are trying to treat it but seeing a doctor is recommended. And it's nothing to be ashamed of! It's a coping mechanism. You are brave for sharing. You are beautiful, inside and out!
Abbie
I love your strength. You are such an inspiration.
Anonymous
LMM,
Girl…we all have secrets…we all have things we want to keep secret…especially when you have so much going on as you seem to…thats when the "secrets" like to whisper in your ear-"pull me"…the devil wants to keep us down b/c he wants misery in his company. he has already lost so he is looking for others. Putting this out there, your confession, bumps you up to winning side already. That takes alot of courage. Kudos to you! Stay strong momma!
Beth
I'm sorry this is something you struggle with. I love how real you are and how brave you are to face your problems straight on. You give others courage.
radiomomrhetoric
Ashley~ you are awesome…and thousands have your back in support. I'm just one in the sea of your admirers.
((hugs))
McKenzie
This post touched the very depths of my soul. You are so brave. We all have secrets, and insecurities. You are my hero. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You deserve every amount of happiness out there. Love ya girl!
radiomomrhetoric
Ashley~ you are awesome…and thousands have your back in support. I'm just one in the sea of your admirers.
((hugs))
Erin
You'll get through this. Heavenly Father only gives us trials that we CAN handle. You CAN handle this. Ashley, you are an amazing mother, wife, and bloggy friend. I love what you post, it is so real, and helps me realize that I am not alone. I hope that all of these comments are helping YOU realize that you are not alone. Not only with friends around the blog-o-sphere, but Heavenly Father is there too. He knows you like no one does, and loves you like no one does. Just remember how much He wants you to succeed in this life to return to Him, and there, we will not have to combat our daily trials.
MUCH love!
Erin
alittlesomething2.blogspot.com
Cgal
Sending BIG {{HUGS}} your way Ashley!! You CAN overcome this…look into the eyes of your adorable lil boy and gain the strength from the love he has for his mommie. Ofcourse, if there's anything all your friends in blogland can do to help PLEASE let us ALL know!!
Veronica
You´re an awesome person! sending lots of hugs and kisses!!!! Think about the straight that you give people like us when you share something so personal, and that will become your straight.
Sommer Clark
i hope you are receiving lots of love and encouragement from your honesty -because you deserve nothing less than that! it's a brave thing to open up and be real -sometimes more than others- but as the Word says- 'we are overcome by our testimony' and by doing so you are helping many!
i've personally dealt with panic attacks and anxiety in the past (thankfully SO much better now) but still do struggle at times. it's during those times – when i feel i'm about to 'give way' to what at the time seems bigger than i can control i give it to God. & because i know you love and believe in the Lord know that He truly can help you overcome this! for me- when i now begin to feel anxious, instead of letting it grow into a panic attack- i attack it back with quoting scripture outloud – and play some great worship music (if i'm able to) and just redirect my focus upon God and then i realize i'm past that crucial moment in time and can move forward now-feeling stronger than before!
a great vs (there are MANY) that i now try to remember is found in philippians 4 vs 6-7 (in the message version it says it this way)
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying pray. Let petitions of praise shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
not that picking is based upon worrying but this vs. can translate into hard things that suck most of us up. and also- as the Great Book says – call things that aren't as if they are! so when you get that desire, maybe just speaking outloud saying 'i do no pull out my hair, i have beautiful thick hair, and there isn't a trace of what i've done in the past left as evidence, God's replaced it with even more beautiful locks" (and even saying this outloud during a moment when you are picking still gives you more power than you think). *i just listened to an Awesome preacher Joyce Meyer on TV last night -i <3 her! she was speaking about 'speaking' – calling things out- conquering whatever it is with your words and ultimately conquering your situation.
i really truly hope some of that encouraged you. you will get beyond this- and you WILL get to a place where this is not an issue for you- I -a stranger- believes that and prays that for you!
thanks again for sharing- it's a Brave and beneficial thing!!!
God Bless You!!!
...and Patch
sending prayers your way. i have to say, you are so beautiful! I really dont want to play doc b/c i have no idea what you are going though…..just thought if its caused by stress have you ever thought of lexapro or something like that. I take it for anxiety and it works wonders. Will keep you in my htoughts and prayers though….us moms have to stick together!!
Jen
Your honesty is inspiring! Sending positive energy your way, and hope you know that yes OF COURSE we can still be friends! (Want to move to MO and be my real life BFF in a total non-blog-stalkery way?) Seriously, though, you are a wonderful, genuinely good person and a supremely amazing mother. You'll get through this. I know you will.
Mindie Hilton
It takes a lot of courage to admit when you need help. I want you to know that your honesty is appreciated. I hope you can stop the pulling. Maybe this is the first step to a new day. Wishing you strength.
cami
Admitting this and exposing it for what it is, IS what makes you strong. IS what makes you vulnerable to yourself and others, which makes one heck of a group of people able to embrace you and pray for you. Everyone has "something" that they struggle to control. Whether or not we share it is altogether different. I find you bold and courageous. Lovely and caring. Stressed as a young Mom. Successful blogger that needs to remain true to herself to heal. You WILL heal. Get the proper help from a professional and find out the root of the problem. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Know that you have prayers coming from Minnesota hon! God is stronger than what you're going through and can get you beyond this. May He bring you peace, LOVE, strength, patience, self-kindness and an outpouring of support.
hotpants™
Some of us may not pull our hair out, but we all have secrets we wouldn't want others to know about. You're brave to share with us.
:: melissa ::
so brave of you to do this!!! You are not letting anyone down, you are an inspiration!! <3
Elle
Praying for you Ash. You are so brave for sharing your secret.
xoxox
B
It took so much courage to expose yourself today to all of us! I hope you know we are all here with prayers and thoughts hoping that you realize your beautiful and your have what it takes to stop 🙂 You are such an amazing writer and inspire so many people and I hope that the support that you receive helps you in the way that you need to put this behind you 🙂 xoxo
Jill @ A Mom With A Lesson Plan
Ashley, You were already on my mind this morning, we are preparing for the I SPY series. You are so inspiring, and courageous.
I think we all have weak spots. Is it really any different when I grab a handful (excuse me bag) of jelly beans because the kids are bouncing off the walls I feel OUT OF CONTROL?!?! Don't add the stress of unnecessary "beating yourself up" to the regular life stress.
You will be in my thoughts today, I hope you can take a deep breathe and give yourself a little break!
Brittany@Love Stitched
i KNOW you are stronger than this Ash. You are one of the strongest people I know and I KNOW you can over come! And no matter how thin your hair gets you are still SO beautiful inside and out! I love you tons and am here for you ANY time! The next time you feel the need to "pull" call me and we can chat through it! xoxo
P.s. – for those of you reading this I actually do KNOW Ashley I am not some crazy blog stalker telling her I love her! lol 😉
MJ
Sending you love and support!! 🙂
Melissa
Ashley, you need to give yourself a break. You aren't perfect, I'm not perfect, ain't nobody perfect. Beating yourself up over your pulling isn't helping, it's probably making it worse. So give yourself a hug and an atta girl. Because baby, when things get real bad… things can only look up!
Kerstin@TheRealHousewivesofIdaho.blogspot.com
You are beautiful no matter what! Your honesty has touched me since I found your blog. You've inspired me to share my struggles on my blog and it really helped me.
Too often we try to appear like our lives are perfect, we are perfect, our families are perfect, but that is simply not the case. We all have struggles and I feel like sharing those struggles helps others see us as human. It's refreshing to know that I am not the only one without a "perfect" life. Keep on keeping on! People love you no matter what.
Ashley@Heart2Heart
You are one INCREDIBLE woman!! You are beautiful no matter what. I'm so thankful that I have YOUR blog to turn to when I need a pick me up!! I admire you so much for all that you do and the way you can bring hope to everyone around you that they are not alone!! I believe in you and definitely admire your courage to put your self out there and show those imperfections.
ECoop
All of us have a weakness but yours is one that is outwardly visible. This makes it something even more painful for you to deal with.
You'll get through this and be stronger for it. Blessings to you!
Logan and Sydney
Sending you love. We all deal with something, I promise:) We all read your blog, and we all think you're wonderful because you are REAL!
:o) mg
It would take a LOT more than that to make people shun you, my dear. We all have our cross to bear…
thanks for keeping yours "real".
xoxo
Amy B.
I agree with others who have posted–you are very strong for sharing your "secrets". I too have hair issues due to a thyroid problem. XOXO
Jeannette & Brandt
You are so brave! I admire you for being able to admit your secret and now expose yourself. It's crazy how one day we think we have everything in control only to realize that we're actually spiraling out of control-that is how I feel most of the time anyways. And even though I have only been reading your blog for a short time I feel like I've known you forever. You're amazing and I know that you can pull through this. I've struggled with an eating disorder for about 5 years now and the only way that I can ever get myself back under control is with the help of Heavenly Father, because there is no way I could do it on my own! Love you girl!
Jeannette & Brandt
You are so brave! I admire you for being able to admit your secret and now expose yourself. It's crazy how one day we think we have everything in control only to realize that we're actually spiraling out of control-that is how I feel most of the time anyways. And even though I have only been reading your blog for a short time I feel like I've known you forever. You're amazing and I know that you can pull through this. I've struggled with an eating disorder for about 5 years now and the only way that I can ever get myself back under control is with the help of Heavenly Father, because there is no way I could do it on my own! Love you girl!
Kristine
You are OH SO BRAVE for posting!!! Sending you love and hugs!!!! You will get thru this!! You are one STRONG momma!! Hang in there! XOXO
Laura @ live.laugh.photograph
I sent you an email 🙂 I'll be praying for ya!
mommaofonediva
sending good thoughts your way!
Heidi
We definitely all have our faults and I think you are truly amazing for being able to 1-admit to yourself what you fault is and 2-admit to EVERYONE else what your fault is. You are an inspiration bc of how courageous you are. I think you are such a fun, uplifting person and I love to read your blog and laugh at your mommy stories! You are such a cute mommy! Your son is so lucky, bc even though he is a challenge, he has a momma that TRULY CARES and adores him and that is all that matters! Loves!
Elle The Heiress
Yes, we can still be friends.
Sara
You are such a brave and strong woman. No one is perfect and it is how we deal and move forward with our flaws that makes us special. Don't feel ashamed – we all have problems – you're just brave enough to admit it. You give me strength 🙂
*Christina*
You're so, so brave for posting this! You know all of your followers are sending you a ton of support! I love reading your blog because of your HONESTY and humor about things. Some things you post make me laugh so hard because I feel exactly.the.same.way! Other times (like this one) you show the world that you're not totally perfect and that's completely OKAY! You can't be in control of everything all the time. 🙂 I hope you get everything under control hun!
My Domestically Challenged Life
I think that you are an awesome, amazing and beautiful woman, mother, wife and friend! I love reading your blog and I relate to you on so many levels. You have nothing to be ashamed of…first step is admitting to yourself and your loved ones there is a problem. I wish you the best with this and will keep you in my prayers 🙂
lori
ashley, you are such a strong and beautiful woman! it is so refreshing how honest and vulnerable you are… this is why i love your blog! youre very real with your readers. show it all- the good and the bad. i hate it that you struggle with this, but what everyone says is true… everyone has their own struggle. know that you have a lot of support and people that don't even know you care about you!
Kristen
You are already strong than you know for sharing this post. Don't be ashamed or disappointed. My thoughts are with you!! Xoxoxo
Beki - TheRustedChain
I was going to tell you that this has a name! Trich. But then I went back and read your first post and figured out that you're already educated on it.
My sister has it. It started around 9 years old, with her eyelashes. It's since moved to her head. For a while she used self hypnosis which worked pretty well. But now she's just "managing" it as you are, with some times being rougher than others.
God bless you for being so open about it!
rawenzel
I am a new follower but was inspired to leave a comment. You are so incredibly brave and strong to put yourself out there so honestly to so many people. You aren't alone. Lots of people struggle with something in their life but aren't as brave as you. Many people struggle with pulling. I feel a little bit of a connection with you as my oldest daughter struggled with trich when she was very young. She started pulling at about 18 months and was pretty much bald on 3/4 of her head until she was almost 3. She doesn't pull to that extent now but I do still see her playing with a hair now and then (she's almost 7 now). I only hope she grows up to be as strong, brave, and confident as you.
Brenda
You are a brave and beautiful woman. I'm sure your story will help other women. Hugs and kisses.
Amanda Bee
Ashley,
Thank you for sharing your truth. I know that sharing things that we are ashamed of hurts because it kill are flesh. It cost our pride so much. But thank you for being brave enough to share that. By you sharing your truth, it encourages me to share mine. -Amanda XXOO
cgrider
I soooo do the same thing only if you look at me I have a short side (from pulling) and a log side. I would love to grow my hair out like yours…but I need to stop with this horible habit. So glad Im not the only crazy:)
Fiona
You can do this! I know you can because I sucked my thumb until my 36th birthday. It's the same but different. I don’t mean to make this all about me. I just want you to know that I get where you are and I know that you can do this. I knew for years that I should stop. I’m sure it started as a comfort mechanism during my unstable childhood but I never admitted it to anyone, not even my husband. Can you imagine, a grown woman lying in bed next to her husband sucking her thumb to go to sleep EVERY night? Then I had my first child and thought I REALLY need to stop this. I didn’t. Then I had my second child and found myself doing it through out the day without being conscious of it. Life is stressful and that’s how I was dealing with it. One day my oldest noticed me sucking my thumb. He didn’t say anything but that’s when I decided that I wasn’t going to be a thumb sucker anymore. It was a few days before my birthday so I decided I’d start my 36th year being a non-thumb sucker. It wasn’t easy. More than a few times I caught myself doing it and STOPPED immediately. It’ll be 2 years in a few weeks and I still think it but I don’t because I’M NOT A THUMB SUCKER anymore. You can do this, I promise! BTW – I seriously heart your blog!
ilene @ muchloveilly
of course we can still be friends! i think i love you even more (if that's even possible) for your honesty. muwah!
ilene @ muchloveilly
of course we can still be friends! i think i love you even more (if that's even possible) for your honesty. muwah!
ashley @ divorced and 21
you are a rocking momma dont ever forget!
Nicole
You are so incredibly strong and brave! Everyone has problems and issues and you are brave enough to confront yours head on. I love your blog and admire you even more now after sharing such intimate personal things. From reading your blog, I know you are strong enough to overcome this!! Sending love and prayers your way:)
Kyra
I pull too, do you know that I didn't even have a clue that a name existed for this until I started googling a few years ago. I even bought some books about it but they make it sound so easy to just stop. My hubby gets after me about it too, he doesn't understand why I can't just stop but it's just not possible. Lately it's been worse than ever, i'm scared that it wil be noticeable soon. I tend to stick to the left side so the hair over there is very different from the rest of my head. I hate it. I am beyond impressed that you put this out there on your blog for all to see, I remember reading it thinking oh wow i'm not the only one that does this!
How did you get yourself to stop pulling for a few months? I have tried but it's just too comforting to me. I have a hubby with a very stressful job and family, a 2.5 yr old son and the rest of my family is a mess with a very messy divorce. When it rains it pours.
Jos @ Organized Chaos
Sending love and prayers from IL. We all have "issues" and I know we women feel weak sometimes, but there is nothing weak about a momma. Nothing. My hope is that we learn to conquer our issues for good. {My issue is food…I'm addicted. Literally…and not to the good stuff.}
Amber
You are strong. Don't let it overcome you, because it is a part of you.
But not all of you.
Nicole Freiss
Ashley–I have been following your blog for the last few months. I think you are funny and inspiring and very talented. I just wanted you to know that I like you even more that you would post this weakness about yourself. It is helps others that also struggle with things that others don't see. You are still gorgeous in every way. You will get through this.
Melissa
You are amazing! Don't ever worry about what other think. We all have been given struggles on this earth. Trust in our Heavenly Father, he knows us better than we know ourselves. My son {we've talked before about him} is currently healing from a spot that is about 3 inches across. He pulled during Christmas break, and it's just now starting to fill in. It' right on the side of his head. This one I couldn't cover up… I had to explain to a lot of people that he isn't dying, didn't have brain surgery, and what Trich is. He's only 6.
It breaks my heart that ANYONE would have to deal with this. You are a strong woman to share this with everyone. You give me strength when I am afraid. Afraid for my son, that things won't be okay. You give me courage to send him to school, where I cannot protect him.
Ashley, this is a major trial in the lives of many. You have been given a beautiful talent, and opportunity to share your trial with others. You have helped me heal.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Lisa Anderson
I just started reading your blog, and I find it brave and courageous for you to share your "secret." Admitting you have a problem will help you overcome it. It will take you to the next step. Even if you fall back into the habit at sometimes, you are still taking steps forward. Habits are hard to break, so don't expect to just be okay one day and not have to deal with it anymore. It takes many times to break a bad habit. I have faith that you will overcome this as long as you keep trying and you know what you are doing is wrong. You have a lot on your plate at this point. I would suggest trying to find another way to express your frustration and stress. You are a gorgeous girl! I believe you will get over this. Sending <3 your way 🙂
Ashley
Hi Ashley, I just really wanted you to know that by sharing your deepest struggle and making yourself vulnerable you have encouraged me. I love my husband and children and my life but I struggle with depression from painful experiences from my past. It makes it hard to be a wife and a mom and a happy homemaker sometimes. after the photo you shared you said it made you feel like a failure, a disappointment. you described the way i've been feeling. you are the cutest gal ever and I love your photos but to share this is amazing, to show us what goes on after the photo shoot is brave and it reminds me that I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing. Amidst the struggles of life, God is still good. life is a struggle and evil often reigns, but our Father is still good and His children are still loved:)
Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂
Sincerely, Ashley
Bree@ 700sqftDesign
You are amazingly strong for exposing yourself. I know a lot of us wish we could be that courageous.
Brooke
Just keep in mind that you are only human. We all have our flaws and secrets, so don't be too hard on yourself. My sister was a puller for years…so bad that she had to wear a wig and draw on her eyebrows. I texted her to see if she had any advice for you and she said she's sorry but she doesn't. She's not sure how she quit and she wishes she had some way to help you. She told me this is the first time in 12 years that she has had a full set of eyelashes. You are very brave for exposing this and I know that you will be able to conquer the pulling one of these days. If my sister can conquer it then I think anyone can. I'll be sending positive thoughts your way! xoxoxo
Hespyhesp
Man, I wish we could be real-life friends, not just internet friends!
We all have things that we struggle with. Some are well hidden and others we cannot hide at all. I am sure that countless people have commended you on being strong and brave. I will get in line right behind them. Your honesty an inspiration to everyone who reads your blog.
But if you need a reminder that you CAN overcome any obstacle, maybe you should print this off:
http://blendedsosplendid.blogspot.com/2011/03/she-believed-she-could-so-she-did.html
elise
I would still love you if you were completely bald. I'm so serious. You are incredibly beautiful, not because of your hair but because of the amazing, genuine person you are. Because of your killer smile, your willingness to share, and your kind spirit that radiates through your blog posts and emails. You have no idea how much I look up to you, how often I think about how I want to be as incredible as you are when I grow up. I don't think any less of you for showing us your secret, in fact, it makes me adore you more. You truly are amazing.
PaChomp
Wow! Just when you're admitting to being at your lowest, you are such a brave person. May your honesty and courage be an inspiration to us all.
Chelsea
Ashley,
The last time I commented was on your first post about Trich. You are not alone!!! I have been good about not pulling the past month or so, but caught myself last night and now half of my right eyebrow is gone again. It is all the gosh darn stress we are under. I dont know if this would help you, because I just pull my eyebrows so the hair is shorter, but if you put band aids over the fingers you use, that tends to help. I bought a box specifically for that. Just know that you are not alone, and I admire you so much for posting about this again! I have not had the guts to do it. You are so beautiful, clearly inside and out. I kind of want to be you with your beauty and adorable sense of fashion! Stay strong girl.
Kalen @ My Crafty Condition
I can't imagine how difficult it is to talk about this on such a public forum. But just so you know, you are an inspiration to a lot of people, and we are all rooting for you. You are a strong and beautiful woman, and you can beat this!
kittykerri
You may not be in total control of your problem but you continue to try and take control and that is an awesome thing in my book. Nothing resolves or heals itself over night, continuing to try and make things better takes strength. Admitting to everyone and sharing with everyone takes strength and bravery! Don't ever forget that. I may be new around here but I think you are an awesome person and anyone who thinks less of you for this has thier own issues that have nothing to do with you. God Bless & I'll be saying an extra prayer for you. =)
Amanda M.
Guess what? I think you're AMAZING. AMAZINGLY honest and inspiring and courageous for seeking out help and sharing your story! I am in awe of you. I am sending prayers and virtual hugs and love.
Tara
We all have something in our life that we cannot control and it makes us crazy. [I bite my cuticles until they bleed….and I have the ugliest hands because of it; but I can't figure out how to quit. And believe me I've tried!]
Don't get down on yourself about it. If it really bothers you this much; figure out help. But don't get down about this one thing so much that you forget how FABULOUS and AMAZING of a person you are!
Everytime I read your blog, I'm always like WOW. I hope that I can be like that someday. Beautiful lady (who looks amazing daily), beautiful home and most of all BEAUTIFUL family and you make it so happy and humorous even when you are telling us how your son peed all over your couch.
THAT'S AWESOME.
See yourself as gorgeous and realize that you are inspiring others everyday whether it's through the good or the bad.
xxx,ooo
Poyer the Lawyer
I cried reading this post just like I cried last night watching Glee when Emma revealed her shirt that said "OCD".
I didn't cry because I feel bad for you, or her, or anyone else. There's no pity, there's just highly concentrated empathy. Because when someone shares something so real about themselves–something that they are ashamed of, something they battle and struggle with everyday, something they wish would just go away–when someone shares that, it reminds me of my own struggle. It reminds all of us of what we may be trying to just ignore.
To be brave is one of the most admirable qualities I can think of. Our demons are constantly challenging us to simply give up and give in to them, to let them win. You, Ash, are fighting back. Your honesty is absolutely beautiful. Your fight with this will never be completely over, but you continue to fight the best way any of us knows how, by sharing it with others. And by doing so, you give others the strength of a common bond in a true human experience.
I love you so much, am so proud of you, and am humbled to call you a friend.
Heather
You are beautiful and strong, and your honesty inspires me. Thank you for having the strength to share. Sending lots of love.
Eisley Rae Clothing
You are so brave for posting this and for sharing that picture. The first step is always admitting… You've done that. I hope for you that you can find a way to stop, but regardless of whether you do or not you're still a beautiful lady, awesome momma and a wonderful wife. Not to mention a GREAT blogger!!!
everydaymomma
Dearest Ashley,
I am so proud of you being brave enough to share with us,I am so sorry you are struggling with this so much.I will be praying for you.That you can find some relief and for you to not feel shamefull.You are a strong woman you are capable.
sincerly siobhan
Renee
Your honesty is beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us your struggles! Lots of virtual hugs coming your way!
Susanna N.
You are INCREDIBLY BRAVE and I admire you so much more now than ever!! There are some things that can only be handled with prayer – I have to remind myself (a control freak) of that all the time!
Lindsi
You are so brave! Putting yourself out there, looking for support…Well you have mine, that's for sure! And of course we can still be friends!
XoXo
Heidi@TheCraftMonkey
Hugs friend! I hope that by sharing you are able to start healing! I know it will be a long process, but you can do it! We all battle our own demons & secrets, God will see you through!
susang
We all have issues that we deal with…things that we want to push back in the closet and hide. But know that your friends and family (and even us strangers who love to keep up with your blog) are behind you. You are so beautiful…keep strong.
Amy
This breaks my heart to read. I hope you can get some help and get past this. This is not your fault, this is definitely NOT in your control. Many prayers and hugs for you!
Jen
My best friend went through this all through childhood into junior high and high school…her mom had cancer and was dying…it was just her way of coping. Sending hugs and love your way…I just started following your blog and I have to say that you are a STARTLINGLY beautiful woman. Thanks for being so open though! Praying for strength for you to overcome!!
Kristy
Thank you for sharing and being so honest…with yourself and with others! We are going through something similar with our daughter and just starting to try to understand. I respect your stregnth and courage for shedding light on this issue. Stay strong and continue sharing. If you find something that helps you, please share, even if it's privatly (kristyschl@yahoo.com). And to answer your question..YES, we can still be friends 🙂 I look at your blog every day and even though we have never met I feel like I know you and now I'm sending you thoughts and prayers for the answers you need. Thanks again for sharing.
jamie @ kreyv
You are so absolutely amazing and courageous. People are here to support you–not judge you. It's you that we love, not your hair. Keeping you in my prayers!
Sarah@AlpinePoppy
I. Love. You.
Kathleen
"That is Most Personal is Most Universal". You said it first honey. Mine is…wieght anxiety.
If I may, please remember your little guy is really little and is at a sweet but rather frustating age. Frustation along with the feeling of control and lack of it can = massive anxiety. It won't always be like this. I will step off my soap box now.
Take care of yourself honey.
Kathleen
SuzyQSparkles
Hugs, Love, and Understanding.
You have them all!
Tea Jurković
you are far more positive, courageous and honest than all of my curly hair friends all together! I hope you know deep inside your heart how many people who read your blog daily (and who you don't even know exist)appreciate this honest story of your life, your struggle and above all, your will to make a diference! you'll make it I'm sure, it's a matter of moments :)) hugs!
Laura
I just love your honesty. you are such an inspiration, EVERY DAY! Your blog is the first thing I read every morning and you are beautiful, inside and OUT! I hope and pray that you can find peace with in yourself to get through this. (((HUGS)))
Midge
I haven't commented before but – good for you in putting yourself out there and facing your fears. I can only imagine how hard it was to post that and I really admire you!
mrszimm
Of course we still love you! Even more, for being so honest about yourself. I had a student in 1st grade years ago that gave himself bald spots from pulling and tugging. He still has them four years later. I tried so hard to understand the why behind him doing it, but I never fully could. Your post has helped me a little more. You're so beautiful- inside and out.
Jessica from Daisydotdesign.blogspot.com
If all our little quirks were as obvious then we'd all have to be more accountable. Way to be a woman and tackle it face on!! You WILL do it!! I know you can.
malelia.
You are a very strong and beautiful woman but we all have our issues no one is perfect and although it may seem hard you need to remember that. Everyone secretly thinks they are not the best mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter whatever they are. Especially those people who appear totally and Completely perfect they are going through something as well. Keep your head up and try your hardest to tackle this demon you are facing! You can do it!
Anonymous
You are human, and in being human we are imperfect… You are beautiful. We are all beautiful, because of our imperfections. You are accepted. We are all, because God loves us where we are at. You are incredible, being vulnerable shows your strength and how brave you are. Being vulnerable and exposing our human imperfections removes the stigma that women should strive for perfection. Thank you for being real, human, imperfect, beautiful, vulnerable and incredibly brave. You inspire. Thank you for being the admirable woman/momma and wife that you are! 🙂 Bless you.
M
Andrea
you're amazing. dont ever forget that.
you are a daughter of God and he loves you.
Williamson's
Sending lots of love your way.
"H" is for Heather
Just hugs & prayers for healing 🙂 <3
Julie M.
Baby steps. That's all you can do. You can't change overnight. You can try, you can pray, you can resolve, but it takes time. And as much as you think getting it out in a public forum like this might help you snap yourself out of it, it may be making you more anxious about and more exposed (and I say this from a nice place, not to snark at all).
You have a lot of support, but really the people that matter are those closest to you and your faith. Perhaps talk to someone, therapist or specialist if you really want to make a change; if you are ready.
Anonymous
You are VERY brave to lay it all out there. You will beat this and I will be watching, because if you can beat that I can beat my Coke Zero addiction and my emotional overeating. Both are taking a toll on my health. You are an inspiration and I know you can beat it!!!
Ashley
I am so sorry this makes you feel so awful! I think you are very brave for posting this. I am a new follower so I didn't know this about you. I have a child in my program at work that has trich also. I am going to show this to her mother because it will make her feel good to know that her daughter will grow up to be a brave, beautiful woman like you!
The Forsyths
Still Friends. I bite my nails and wish everyday that I could quit it. So many people love you, everything will be work out
Casey
You are such an inspiration! I certainly don't think any less of you for this.
Ashley
Praying for you sweet girl! Just take it one day at a time, and DO NOT get down on yourself! You are gorgeous, and you are going to make it through this! So proud of you!
Lauren
Ashley, you are an amazing woman. I admire you so much for laying it all out there. And as much as you love blogging and as much as WE ALL adore you, maybe it's time to take a break from it? We all love you and we understand that YOUR health comes first and that taking a break from blogging might relieve some of your anxiety.
Aubrey
You are you. And that is all of you. It takes guts to show the world when you are not at your most perfect, because most the time as a lady, that is what it feels like the world only wants from you. You could so easily be "that girl" who other girls hate because of your perfect-ness. It is so awesome that you show that no body is. SMOOOOOTCHES and positive thoughts!!
Mindy
I pull my eyelashes and eyebrows, so I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone!! Remember that you are an imperfect daughter of your Heavenly Father. You are a wonderful Mom, an amazing wife, you stand up for what you know is true and right, you are honest, faithful and devoted! You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have so much support and so many people that look up to you as a role model. They don't love your hair, they love YOU! Your mistakes, habits, and everything in between, is what they love. That you are HUMAN, just like the rest of us!
I am here for you, and as a "puller" myself I am going through these same feelings with you! We CAN take control! Let's do it!
Blooming Mommy
Your beautiful, amazing and talented… weaknesses and all! Loves!
Sarah@totalbassetcase
Hugs and prayers of strength to you! Many congrats on being so open about this- you are a daily encouragement to many, many women!
Sending lots of love your way!!
Anonymous
Oh how you make my tough exterior crumble. It is well known in my circle of family and friends that I am NOT a cryer, but goodness reading your post and looking in my own mirror and seeing the effects of my own hair pulling I just can't stop those tears. Of course I can never hide mine because it is my eyelashes and eyebrows that have been gone since I was 13 years old. But please know this from a stranger you have never meet, someone that just enjoys your blog and your honesty and your sweetness and finds it all encourgement in her own struggles…I think you are beautiful.
Laura
Allison @ House of Hepworths
Ashley, you will always be my friend. We all have secrets and I appreciate that you are brave enough to post yours.
Hang in there. Don't be ashamed. Own it and ask for help. You are awesome and we love you… no matter what.
Cara
I've never wanted to be friends more.
Hugs and loves!
allison @ itstoilegood.blogspot.com
you are so brave to share this. I am so sorry that you're feeling these feelings and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I just sent over one great big hug – hope you got it!
Kelly
I want to give you a hug. trust in the lord and he will help you overcome this.
xxO
Mistakenly Misunderstood
Where there is a will, there is a way… {hugs}
Ellen
I'd be amazed if there was anyone out there who didn't have some deep secret we want to hide from the world – I know I have a whole list of terrifying demons I try to keep under my hat. there's a lot of pressure to be perfect and it's coming at us from every angle and I think we need more people to stand up and say screw it! here I am warts and all!
Definitely still blog buddies ;-D
Erin
Hi Ashley. We don't know each other, but I'm the crazy girl who sent you that email a while ago about me having the same annoying hair pulling problem and you letting me know I am not alone. Maybe we can try to stop together! I know how absolutely hard it is to say you're simply going to stop because for 24 years or so, I still do it. Ridiculous, I know. Hang in there girl and know that YOU are not alone. 🙂
Jen
You are amazing! You are so brave to post something so personal and that you feel so embarrassed about. Please try to remember, everyone has secrets. TRULY, everyone has things that they are afraid of, ashamed of, embarrassed about. You are NOT alone. I was so touched by your story when you first posted it, and now I am cheering you on as you bravely put it out there for everyone to see. I know it will help someone out there who is suffering with a similar type of problem. And I HOPE with all my heart that it helps you, too. You are beautiful and talented and we are all rooting for you! 🙂
Jessica
I am definately still your "friend" and I can not express enough how much I admire your bravery. I have a secret myself that I am too ashamed and embarrassed to admit to. You inspire so many people. And you are just lovely. A friend of mine posted this on their facebook awhile back and it just popped in my head as I read your story:
You are wonderfully made. Look at the world around you, the infinite detail and creativity. Unimaginable beauty surrounds us every day. You are part of that creation, materializing from the same artist that created sunsets and rainbows. Don't ever allow yourself to think you are anything less than wonderful.
Don't ever forget that lady! 🙂
Visiting from http://sassysippycupsandstickysarcasm.blogspot.com/
Barbara
Praying and sending love. You are brave for sharing-which also makes you strong, even when you don't feel it.
Mary Ickert
Bravery is the common theme in all of these comments and I couldn't agree more. I have admired you from the minute I found your blog and now if it is possible think I admire you even MORE. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Sending you big hugs and lots of love from one Mommy to another.
Lauren
I sent you a message on fb…. You are so brave! Tons of prayers going up for you!
Salena Lee
Ashley, you are so brave. It must take alot for you to expose your secret. I pray that you will find a way to heal this in yourself. I wish I could see you to give you a big hug. I love your honesty in all your posts. Take care.
kait
thank you so much for showing this. even though you made me tear up (again). i emailed you a few weeks ago – i'm sure you're far to busy to respond (which is fine!!) but i sure hope you read it. you are an inspiration for all of us suffering from TTM. i've been struggling this past month as well, but know i will get back to stability soon enough. and i know you will too!
sending you lots of love,
kait
Linda
Friends love you for you, no matter what faults we have , we always HAVE our friends who love us unconditionally. Friends who want the best for us, and hurt when we hurt. Are happy when we are happy, and share the pain that we suffer in silence. God loves you and so do I.
Anonymous
When I read your first post on this subject I realized I had a problem…it wasn't just post baby hormones messing with my hair. It was me and my wandering fingers! I was so upset. I don't actually pull from the root, instead I break the hair trying to get rid of imperfect hair (weird texture, split ends, etc,) I find myself doing this ALL the time and i can't stop. It is very noticeable, since it's done on my bangs. It leaves me with destroyed and thinning hair. It's been very noticeable…even in pictures taken from a distance…I can only imagine what people see up close =( It can be really depressing, especially since I am still struggling with baby weight and pregnancy acne scars. The only thing I had ever been really confident about was my hair. Anyways…I wanted to thank you for the post, I would have never realized it was a problem. Since I have been aware I am working on stopping(or at least slowing down)my hair pulling. Some months are great and others not so much. Hang in there!
-Sweetpeas
Anonymous
Hugs, just lots and lots of hugs!
Jessi J.
Hugs, just lots and lots of hugs!
Sundresses and Smiles
Wow, I am so inspired by your courage to share this with the blog world. I am sending you positive vibes, understanding, and encouragement!
Jeannie
I have been following your blog for a while now because there is something very genuine about you. I love how honest you are being in sharing your struggles and I know that you can and will conquer this. Thank you for being you, faults and all 🙂
Heather :: AFD Jewelry ::
Oh, Ashley – your honesty is always so amazing and inspiring. Prayers for you!
(and um, duh. of course we can still be friends!) XO!
The Vintage Modern Bride
i am so sorry you have to go through this. telling us though, is going to make it so much better. it seems to be easier to be vulnerable to say things online, and that's the first step. talk to your hubby about it and your family. they'll help you in the best ways they can. we're all here to help you vent too, so don't ever feel embarassed to do so. no one is perfect (though we all may strive to be). perfection is BORING and knowing you have flaws too makes it ok because you're human. don't give up on yourself! i'll be praying for you!
~Claire~
LOVE! I read your post in my reader, and just after was this:
http://bitsofwisdom.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/imagesi-am-what-i-am.jpg
and thought it befitting your situation…
Hang in there, I know you are making a lot of people braver and stronger for what you do!!!
Rissa @ Hazel and Honeysuckle
*hugs* This is not something to feel ashamed about, that's for sure! You can do it! We're all supporting you! *more hugs*
Laura
real friends– even those that you've never met, would never let a "secret" like this ruin a friendship. Stay strong– you CAN control this– it may take time, but you CAN DO IT! 🙂
Bonnie B.
I think you are very brave!!!
When my 15yo was about 7, she started pulling her eyelashes and then her eyebrows. almost completely gone. the very worst part? i didn't even notice, until she brought home her school pictures and some family member pointed it out to me. i felt horrible. i took her to her pedaitrician. he told me she had trich. he put her on lexapro to help with whatever anxiety she was having. it helped. she'd still pull occasionally, but if i said something she'd stop. after about a year, we took her off. she's been great since then. That's not to say she won't ever start pulling again. but it helped. have you ever been on meds? good luck. you're in my prayers!
Wani
We all have things that we do to deal with stress. I'm a stress eater. Trust me, its obvious to the world. My weight has yo-yo'd back and forth from obese to the awful "morbidly" obese over the past few years. Its not easy to share intimate details of our inner selves. I will be praying for you.
Tessa
You are still beautiful, and a better woman than I. I pull from my face and hide it with makeup but not well 🙁
Cynthia and Co.
We all have secrets however most of us aren't brave enough to share them openly as you have done . You are a strong young lady and an inspiration to your bloggers…young and old. Hugs to you.
Karina Wetzel
{{HUGS}} Ashley, You are amazing, and by being YOU, you inspire me to be a better person! I hope that you continue to be yourself, as I love reading your blog and getting inspired by you 🙂
PS: I wrote a post today about one of my secrets that I've had for a while that I overcame. and The only reason I did was because you inspired to get my feelings out there and to be thruthful!
Here it is if you want to check it out: http://karinaschallenge.blogspot.com/2011/04/thoughts-for-day.html
Thanks,
Karina
Cherry Blossoms
No one would ever want to stop being your friend because of this. You are a beautiful person and remember true beauty comes from the inside. And remember we need to go thru weak moments to only become stronger and healthier. Sending a hug your way!-Heidi
michele8
Wow!
You are an amazing person, inside and out.
xoxoxo
Staci
Everyone has their weaknesses. I admire you so much for your courage to share yours. We all have things we are working on. Praying for strength for you during this time – and know that I'm praying for strength to conquer my weaknesses to! I've learned recently that most of the battle is admitting and deciding to do something about it. You have greatness in you and I know you have the strength to conquer this for good! I know you are an inspiration to so many! *Hugs*
Fernanda
I know that we have never met and that we may never meet…but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you…I actually follow your blog daily because I think that you are an amazing woman! Your problems, worries {I have a little boy too}, and dreams are all real…like mine! We all have things that we are embarrassed to show to others and even to admit to ourselves…but you are BRAVE not weak. Yes, you might have had a set back…but you are a strong woman and you will come back again! look at how many people wrote on your post…you inspire us all in one way or another…so just keep on fighting because you CAN DO IT!
Love, Fernanda
Kristen
You.Are.Fabulous. Period.
Val
Ever since I read your first "secret" post, each time I start to pull, I think about you and stop. I can't thank you enough. I can only hope that it sticks! Sharing your story has made a difference in my life and I hope it does for you too.
Holly Kolvig
Absolutely we can still be friends!!! Your posts make me appreciate you more as a friend!!!!
Jamie
Part of me feels like I shouldn't even comment on so personal a post since we don't know each other. But I feel the need to give you a great big HUG! Kudos to you for putting yourself out there for the world to see. By admitting your personal struggles, you are showing so many girls out there that it is normal to not be "perfect"–that the truth is, none of us are.
I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to admit your struggles. I, too, have secrets I have no intention of sharing because of shame or guilt or what have you. You are a brave girl, and I am sure you will be blessed so much because of your willingness to be REAL. XO
Anonymous
i do understand. i have never been diagnosed with trich, but i've been pulling since high school (i'm now 28.) i pull around the front of my face, so i try to pass it off as having heavy bangs, but i would never choose my hairstyle. i pull excessively on one side, so i don't like to wear my hear down, and when i wear it up, it is difficult to manage all of the breakage in the front. i sometimes wonder if i'll ever get past this, but it is so encouraging to read your post and know that i am not alone. thank you SO MUCH for your honesty!
HettyA
It takes a super strong woman to even reveal something like this! 🙂 you're amazing! You've got a bunch of people behind you and supporting you for real! <3
Our friends mom has been going through the same thing for years, she recently started using a product that her son introduced to her and it has made some amazing results, she came over one day just jumping for joy at how happy she was. If you ever are interested I can see if I can find the info for ya!
Either way you're beautiful and genuine!
Bri @ Mod Memento
This post makes me want to be your friend even MORE than I did before! Lots of love from the East Coast, beautiful Momma!
Bri @ Mod Memento
Oh and I meant to say that I just read about Baby W's sleep apnea issue! My Dad lives with a severe case of Apnea so I know all about how this looks and sounds when they are sleeping. It is an incredibly scary thing to witness them gasping for air. I am so glad you were able to discover this early though and learn and help him accordingly. My Dad went for YEARS not knowing what it was or how to treat it.
God Bless Baby W and his awesome (very attentive) Momma!
KK
You are amazing.
K :)
you are brave and lovely. to reveal your most intimate secrets will certainly bring you some freedom from it all. take care of yourself.
Elise
Wow. Thanks for posting. I do the same thing and my family (and me) thought I was crazy. It's nice to know that I am not the only one working to control my pulling.
Sierra
It's taken me a long time to respond to this, I read it the very day you posted! But I haven't had the nerve, so I respect your courage. I don't pull my hair, but I also am to scared to post on my blog that in the middle of the day, I might have a panic attack. I don't want people to look at me differently. Or for my friends to realize that if I get unusually quiet during the conversation, its cause I'm fighting to keep breathing evenly. It's mostly when I'm feeling to stressed, or like I'm out of control. But I have perfected hiding it. Hang in there and you can move past this. Everyone has their thing and acknowledging it is the most important part because that's when you can move forward, and you not only have acknowledged it, you shouted it out to the world. Good luck 🙂
kst
I just stumbled across your blog yesterday. I was in bed reading your blog when I noticed the "I Have a Secret" post, so naturally I was intrigued. I clicked on the link. I started reading and was shocked. I couldn't believe it. I started to cry. I couldn't believe that THAT was your secret. That has been MY secret for over 20 years. I too suffer from Trich. You are incredibly brave. Unlike you though, I never told anyone. I suffered with this for 20 years in complete silence which only made the pulling worse. Not a soul in the world knew my secret until I told my husband 2 years ago. Since the day I told him, I have not pulled a single hair from my head. I would not say I am cured. I don't think the urge will ever be completely gone, but I do know that I am much happier now that much of my hair has come back in. That is what I have to tell myself every time I get a hold of one of those bumpy hairs. "It's not worth it!" I still do not have the courage you do to speak openly about it. Just know that you are definitely not alone. Your openness and honesty is truly amazing. It is an incredibly difficult disorder to deal with, but you have done it once, and you can do it again. Never give up hope.
melissa
Weak? Hardly. It takes a strong person to post things they are ashamed of. I think any true reader is going to adore you no matter what. My mom does this too so this would not freak me out. I STILL wish I knew you in real life!
Bells
I do the exact same hair pulling! I try to find the frizzy hair I feel does not belong, and I feel the BIGGEST sense of satisfaction when I do it. 🙁
sequins and superheroes
ashley,
first things first: wanted to start by introducing myself. (as best as i feel comfortable with here.) i'm a twenty-something, mom, sister, friend, & brand new blogger. so heygirlwhatsup?!
so here goes, although i checked the dates on both your trich posts & realize they are older posts, i know that no part of your pulling is "in the past" so i had to reach out.
ive had trichotillomania for 10 years now. gosh, amazing to me how difficult that sentence was to type. in fact tears are streaming down my face right now. sometimes its difficult for me to understand why even talking about my pulling brings out such an emotional response in me. & like you said, my pulling has never stopped.
my pulling is slightly different than yours, i rarely pull hairs from my head. i pull MOSTLY my eyelashes and eyebrows. ive had patches missing, entire lids of hair missing, and my eyebrows are so patchy and thin that i fill them in heavily daily. i wear heavy eyeliner and fill in my brows even if i'm running to the grocery store for eggs. its confusing, its scary, its embarassing, its..
and there are those people in your life that you let close to you that notice this habit overtime. ive had boyfriends tell me to "stop, youre SO crazy", i've had friends hit my hand away as if its as easily quit as biting your nails. what does this do? just makes me more aware of when i'm around them, to be more secretive about it. instead of "helping" me, it closes me off to them in a small way.
i also am a person who deals with anxiety & am a "stress-case" (love how you put that). i also have seen the correlation between my most difficult/stressful times in life and my increase of pulling. sometimes you pull more, sometimes you may notice you're pulling less, but EVERY DAY YOU PULL.
ive done research on it(finding out what i did had a name was.. comforting AND shocking), ive looked up support groups online, ive talked to counselors & psycologists about it, and know now that it is a physical manifestation of extreme OCD. needing to be in control is a huge part of who i am and yet, i cant stop, & i am afraid to say out loud that i'm scared i never will.
this has been a very difficult comment to post. i cant even explain why i keep having to stop because i'm sobbing. yet at the same time i can say that and i think that you understand. i guess i just wanted to thank you SO much for sharing such an intimate part of your life with people you dont know & let you know how incredibly brave i think you are for sharing this. you should know that you DO have incredible support here and i'm more than happy to jump on your support bandwagon.
love love love <3
Romina
Hi… I just stumble with your site and I love it, absolutely love it!! You’re so gorgeous!!! I came across with this post and I was impressed by your honesty, is hard to be honest about our own issues and you’re super brave!! I admire you, really.
I have complex ptsd and I understand how hard to is be hiding stuff like that. Just wanted to let you know that I admire you.
StillShell
I love your blog. I am a fellow LDS mommy. I also suffer from ‘it’. I have since I was 12. I remember going through the temple and one of my biggest worries, was if someone would see my spot. I have done a lot of research and there is a new product that may help. It is still being researched but it is available in most health food stores. It is called NAC, it’s made from protein. The last study I read, showed a 40% decrease in pulling.
I hope you find the answers. Going public is very brave, and it is amazing too. I am open about my problem. But I know there are others who are not. Your posts have the potential to give them hope and to let them know they are not alone!
Well done!
Shell
Ashley Jackson
Aww girl, the first thing I thought about when I started reading this post was {this is what I feel like about weight loss}, and so I know you are feeling insecure about it, but we all have something. It makes me want to be brave too, like it’s OK that we aren’t always strong and don’t always get it right. You have A LOT going on, and although I know over eating is not good for me, and you with your pulling, today is not our last day here, we have so many more and tomorrow is another day to try again. Hang in there, be gracious to yourself, and I think you can see…you still have all of us as friends!! Thanks for sharing and being brave!
Julia
How Brave You Are To Share Here In Such A Wide Open Place!
To Show Such Bravery & Courage Can Only Mean One Thing, You ARE The Wonderful Woman & Mother I Thought You Were!
Not Perfect – Just Awesome!
An Imperfect Child Of God, During Her Best To Be Her Best – Each & Everyday!
I Dare Say, We All Have Some Sort Of Secret, Most Are Just Not Open & Honest Enough To Put It Out There, Like You. You Are Truly Inspiring!
The Part Of Your Post That Really Caused Me To Take Pause Was The Last Line. . . “Can We Still Be Friends?” It Is Friends You Need & Friends You Deserve – The Friends Worthy Of You Will Understand, Support & Encourage. No Judgement, No Advice, No Shame – Just Love & Positive Feedback.
Each Day Is A New Day & I Pray That Tomorrow You Will Feel More In Control, So That YOU Will Feel Good, Positive, & Happy. If Not Tomorrow, Then The Next Day. . . And Each Day Until The Day That YOU Feel You Have Your Goal!
God’s Blessings & Hugs From Me Bouncing Your Way!
Jennifer Dawn
Thank you for being real, transparent, and honest. I know that this post will have a much farther reaching effect than you even realize. Your transparency has already touched my heart. We all have things that we hide from the world. Thank you for being courageous enough to share. I know it took a lot of strength to hit the “post” button! You are a beautiful, strong woman!
mikamo
I have a stress caused/perpetuated/related problem too. it is called pelvic floor dysfunction. my pelvic floor muscles were in spasm or clenched like a fist for most of my life. it caused about 20 pretty nasty, painful, and miserable symptoms. it makes me ashamed of myself, and I was abused for it growing up. (which is probably why I have it) I have spent the last 6 months in Physical therapy and doing a psychotherapy called EMDR every week. it is really hard getting rid of something that has been part of your life for so long. for me it has been my excuse for why people have abused and mistreated me. so to get rid of it means I have to accept that people were mean to me, and that it was probably not personal. it has taken a whole paradigm shift. I think you should tackle this head on. that is what it took for me and I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. be gentle with yourself. most of us have compassion and empathy for you. I know I do.
rebecca lopez
Don’t be ashamed! Regardless of your pulling, your stunning, beautiful, talented, amazing and blessed! It’s just part of your journey…something you’ll figure out…God can totally take control of this, just give it to him! Most of us have habits that are destructive in our lives, mine happens to be emotional eating. And I’m not just talking about a little bit. I’ve ballooned up because I just can’t figure out how to stop! I can’t figure out how to control emotions enough to stop. Our habits don’t define us, they are just our set backs. Overcoming them isn’t impossible even though it may seem that way sometimes. I’m not trying to sugar coat it, cause obviously you know as well as anyone else your pulling is a problem and isn’t a healthy habit…but you’ve been so brave to admit the problem and share it with others…that’s huge! And you should be proud that you’ve at least done that. Now go from here feeling confident, beautiful, and proud…because you are one Hot Momma who has two adorable boys, and a good looking husband! You’ve got it all and you deserve the world!
Jen Fluty
rebecca lopezI’m with ya Rebecca. I eat too much, have no self-control, and I can’t stop pulling or eating. Its a terrible self-esteem crusher. I am so glad I found all of you.
MichelleJ
I love reading your blog! You are such an inspiring person.
Chris
As a friend, you need to know that I don’t need you to be perfect. The boys don’t need you to be perfect. Your husband doesn’t need you to be perfect. God doesn’t need you to be perfect either. Your family and friends are blessed to have you in their lives JUST LIKE YOU ARE. Many years ago a friend who was terminally ill awakened from a coma. Her eyes were totally bloodshot and she asked me why in the world I hadn’t told her. Truth was, while I certainly noticed them, the fact that she was alive and still with us was all I was thinking of so it never occurred to me to make mention of her bloodshot eyes. Ashley, I’ve known about your condition for awhile, and frankly, when I see you, I never even take notice of your hair. I’m just glad to see you that you’re still my friend.
Krystle
Yes, we are still friends! I love reading your blog. You are inspiring!
Autumn
Your posts always inspire me! Your life is so picture perfect, but you are the first to say hey, here I am. Thanks for keeping it real. I loved your last post too.
Angela S
You are such a brave, beautiful woman! I love your blog. You are inspiring to so many or us who have our own “secrets,” motivating us to make changes for the better as well. I believe in you and know you can change with the help of God and your family, Hugs!
cathy claus
Praying for you Ashley — you are truly a blessing to others who haven’t reached the stage of bravery to face their fear! Everyone has a story — thank you for sharing yours! Your pain will be someone else’s gain to face their fears. May God bless you in the next chapter of your life. You are beautiful, both outside and inside! Thank you!
Danielle
I’m so proud of you! Admitting it and fearing for yourself is a huge step, you should be so proud that you took this huge leap! I can’t wait to follow your success. Lots of hugs and prayers with you beautiful momma!
Inge
You’re still loved, and I think you’re very brave and courageous to put yourself out there and be so honest – to yourself and to your readers. We all have our secrets, you got the guts to tell us what yours was… Don’t worry, we still love you! I don’t think you’re alone in this, as you can see from all the people who replied to your lovely post. Bless you girl, I believe in you. Sending much love from Bruges,
Inge x
I Have a Secret - Best Of, inspiration, Meltdown, My Life, Real Life - Little Miss Momma
[…] more posts about my secret go here: I Want to Know Your Secret My Secret Exposed How I Put My Hair Extensions In 146 Comments Filed Under: Best Of, inspiration, […]
Jen Fluty
I’ve also been struggling with TTM since I was in 8th grade. I pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows instead of the hair on my head. I had no one to talk to and there were no others who had my problem…or so I thought. I’m 37 and thanks to the Internet, I was able to search the problem I’ve struggled with for so long. It was a relief and also sad that there were others out there. A relief because I got made fun of in school but couldn’t stop and sad because I know how much the others struggled. I remember not pulling for maybe a year or so and I have no idea why I stopped and then started again. I battle with depression and I also notice when I am stressed or nervous I will pull at my eyelashes. As I write this, my “condition” is at its worse with almost no eyelashes on my left eye and a small bald spot on my right eye. I have made several attempts to stop but, like Ashley, I can’t for some reason. I will get to the point where my eyelashes are almost all grown in and then I will start on my eyebrows, then back and forth. Its embarrassing and I just tell people I’ve had an allergic reaction. I don’t like saying that. I have so much respect for you Ashley and I’ve only been reading your posts for a couple weeks. I totally understand where you’re coming from. Here’s to beating this self-esteem crushing disorder-hope we can help one another.
Big Hugs,
Jen
FAQ: Your Questions Answered - Best Of, live - Little Miss Momma
[…] my secret is only one of them. Which is why I even went so far as to even show you a picture of my secret. And because you are all showed me so much support, I know that I am not alone […]
Rashelle
Ashley I just live reading your words and I am always learning so much
And your testimony inspires me. I wanted to reccomend a certain therapy that
helped not only me eliminate years of depression,trauma based disorders and behaviors but this also
after going through one session I referred my cousin who had dealt with trich since she was
Six. She no longer pulls and doesn’t even have the impulses or thoughts to. I work in the counseling
Field and I’m no learning these pain less and non traditional therapy like techniques to help my own clients.
Check out rapidresolutiontherapy.com if you are interested I can assist you with a great therapist who is trained in these techniques. I’m telling you it’s life changing. I dont like the term disorders but rather it’s just a rest stop until you get a time up and mind is able to catch up and update 🙂
Embrace, Heal and Breathe - live - Little Miss Momma
[…] I look forward to returning with bunches of wispy fly-away hairs where my bald spots once […]
kitchen faucet
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Shirley
Honey, we will pray for you. God bless you.
Christie
UGH! i hate that youre so much like me! and i hate that i checked out your blog, because i came across you on instagram of all things, and just clicked the link. i was like, AH what a cute girl, and i love her hair, and she talks just like me, TMI but with the best intentions to help others, and to be liked, for being an open book…recently, my TMI has gotten me a lot of bad reactions..a lot of people ganging up on me, and basically bullying me, for what you ask? posting that i was proud of all the weight ive FINALLY lost since i got my thyroid in control (it was bad for 4 years and i gained a lot of weight, was super depressed, the whole she bang) i said i got it under control, and within 4 months, i have lost 40 lbs, just because i have my metabolism back, and i finally feel myself again! my kids have a fun mom back, life is good…nothing to hate on, right?…people start saying nice things…then i started getting really…really…really mean messages, from people really close to me, that i havent seen in at least 6 months… this was just a month ago, and somehow in their bullying, they all “hate” me and tell me i owe them an apology (ugh tmi, i know, back story though, i had to, so you get it), and i cant handle people not liking me, let alone hating me, for something i cant change, or apologize for…and so, without even realizing it till now, im pulling my hair out!…like, a LOT, my husband just now told me to stop touching my hair, that im balding on top, he didnt want to say anything, but he said its getting really noticable! i took a picture of the top of my head, just before typing this, and its like yours, only worse! i dont know what to do, im so stressed out about the situation (plus more) and now on top of worrying about how i look, even though i finally feel good mentally and physically for the first time in years…i feel ugly, too skinny, (from the bullying, said in much harsher words,) and now,im apparently, balding! you are a gorgeous, seemingly confident, normal girl, and reading this makes me feel better, but im thinking about doing it as i type! ugh! what do we do? if i admit to doing this to those people, ill only open the door for more “loving conern” lame…so lame. by the way, please discourage the grammical errors and random babbling, i am in a little sting moment of reality…and im wondering how long people have been noticing my newfound problem…ugh
Kelly
You are incredibly brave!
Zoey
Beautiful, honest soul. I have loved stumbling across your website tonight and reading… I will return regularly… thanks for sharing xx
Brittany
People who are close to you notice because they love you and can see the signs, but I promise if you hadn’t been so brave and explained the problem I would have never noticed, not even from the image of your scalp (or say I was a stranger standing above you for some reason – I never would have guessed). If I even thought about it at all, I would think “ah, the woman has thin hair, that’s so difficult to deal with, but she rocks it.” I know for me sometimes it feels like everyone is staring at me and knows all my weaknesses, particularly when it’s tied up with physical appearance, but I promise that’s not the case.
And I’m sure you get advice from every random person, so I’m so sorry to do that, because I really have no idea what you’re going through, but are you seeing a psychologist? Like I said, I know nothing about Trichotillomania, but the things you said it makes you feel are all too familiar, and a shrink really helped me work through those.
I know putting aside the time and money to seem a psychologist can feel impossible (and sadly, because of the state of healthcare in the US, it can be impossible for some). But if it’s at all possible I really think you should consider it. Particularly when you have kids it’s so easy to think you should be putting all your time and money and energy into them, but mothers who are able to put themselves first when they need to are able to give their kids so much – for one thing, it teaches the kids how they should treat themselves. I know I imitated how my mom treated herself, not necessarily how she treated me, and I don’t think I’m alone in that. You are an amazing brave person, and if it’s at all possible, I think talking to a psychologist or counselor could really help.
green theory weight loss
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Virginia
You are seriously the best for doing this. I pray you are helping so many, as you are me. NO ONE understands that don’t live this, and you are putting all my thoughts into words – lifetime puller 33 years. Thank you
HERVE LEGER
“You can see the techniques of the knit on this style; Bandage Dress one day we will videotape the process of how our pieces are made.