{click here if you need to get the scoop on the Secret Series}
Today’s SECRET post is longer than usual,
but that’s because I think its an important topic.
Something that in some way we have ALL been impacted by…
CANCER.
We sure HATE cancer, don’t we?!
Below you will read the revealed secrets of two special cancer survivors.
Their stories are unique–a perspective that we {the healthy ones} take for granted.
All too often I assume that a cancer survivor’s life is all butterflies and rainbows because they survived, because they beat the beast, because they were given a second chance, because only scars remain where once there was sickness…
But I forget…
I forget that those scars represent pain.
They represent struggle.
They represent heartache and fear.
And those scars will NEVER go away.
I want to thank today’s Secret gal’s for pointing out that just because the cancer is gone, doesn’t mean these survivors have completely healed…
Here are their stories:
Meg’s Secret:
I am a cancer survivor.
I fought hard.
I lost my hair,
I lost my eyebrows,
I lost a lot of friends.
I gained weight and resentment.
I resent the people my age who got to live their 20’s
like it’s supposed to be.
I resent that I had to fight for my life while my friends went to college, partied and flourished.
I resent that people thank my husband for staying with me during such a terrible time.
I resent all the people who told me that “God doesn’t give us more then we can handle” because I feel like this one time He did.
I thought the feeling of resentment would go away.
But 3 1/2 years later…it hasn’t.
In fact, it’s grown into guilt, sadness and anger.
I feel guilty that my husband and I will be forever financially in debt to hospitals, family and friends for all the help we were given during my cancer (I didn’t have insurance when it all started).
I feel guilty that my husband had to change job to take care of me.
I feel guilty he didn’t get to marry the woman he proposed to but rather the woman who emerged after cancer.
Because she is NOT me.
She is mad.
She is cynical.
She is angry.
She is SO SAD.
She wants to be the pre-cancer version of herself.
And here is the weirdest part. I feel guilty that I survived. That I have two beautiful healthy baby girls. I feel guilty that I lived and someone else had to die.
I get angry some days. I have these scars. People still look, wonder and sometimes ask. I tell them cancer. They feel sorry for me. Then I get even more angry.
Yet, in it all, I know I am so lucky. I am SO blessed. I put on my happy face everyday. I love my children. I remember that if I wouldn’t have made it my GIRLS wouldn’t be here.
But, it doesn’t take away the resentment, the anger or the sadness…
So I guess, as my momma always said, “fake it til ya make it”.
-meg
-meg
___________________________________________________________________
Jessica’s Secret:
I have AML (Acute myeloid Leukemia).
I’ve had five chemo treatments and have lost my hair twice.
It usually affects people over 60,
but I got “lucky” and was diagnosed when I was 30!
My secret is Annoyance…
I want so badly to move on,
for people who know me to ask how I am,
because they actually want to know how I am doing,
and not just because of the cancer.
I want random strangers to stop murmuring with their friends loud enough for me to hear about whether or not I’m a lesbian because of my super short hair.
(yes this has happened 5 times!).
My secret is fear…
I’m so scared that this horrible disease is going to come back.
That I’m never going to be able to go a day without taking a crap load of pills.
Even though I’ve been assured by many doctors that it’s not genetic,
I worry about my kids,
more than anything,
I don’t want them to ever have to go through this!
I fear for my husband’s stress level and mental state…
All of this is so hard for him.
He’s been nothing short of Hercules,
But I worry that eventually the stress will take its toll on him.
My secret is Love…
Love for God, whom without I wouldn’t have survived.
Love for my kids,
who even on stressed out crazy induced days,
never fail to make me smile.
Love of a husband,
for his strength, devotion and goodness.
He is my Best Friend!
And for my family and loyal friends,
who showed love and support when we needed it the most.
Thank you for letting me share my secrets with you!
-Jessica
Let’s show these SURVIVORS some comment love, shall we.
I will be posting several secrets daily throughout this entire week. So be sure to check back often, you’re not going to want to miss these.
You can grab your very own Secret Series Button on the right sidebar:
Simply copy the code, then got to “add a gadget” in your blogger dashboard, then add “html”, then paste the code, then click “save” {that’s it}!
On Friday, we will conclude this portion of the Secret Series with a link up party–where I will encourage YOU to link up a post with your secret {no matter how big or small–serious or silly}.
Do you have a secret you want to email me?
Send it to ashley@littlemissmomma.com
Send it to ashley@littlemissmomma.com
And please let me know your “alias” or if I can use your real name.
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Jen
I love these buttons! Cancer does suck, which is why I’m taking steps to avoid falling victim to the family cancer trend. I’m taking my vitamins, eating my greens, and I’m ready to make my own batch of buttons.
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agree cancer sucks