Wholehearted 29th Birthday

Pants: American Eagle Boyfriend Jeans, Shirts: F21, Shoes: BCBG, Belt: Old Navy, Vintage Bracelet & Necklace c/o: Krafty Kash
Krafty Kash Discount Code for 20% OFF: LMM20. Hair braided by this girl–let’s talk her into doing a tutorial for us, shall we.

{birthday festivities}

The big two-nine. Twenty nine.
I’ve spent the past year dreading this birthday.
As if ushering in the final year of my twenties somehow meant saying goodbye to my youth.

I remember the day I was watching college football and the players on the field no longer looked like men to me—they were boys. Young, young boys. Boys that I would have babysat nearly a decade earlier. In that moment, I knew I was getting older.

Then, just the other day, I was watching my usual evening reruns of Friends, when it hit me—I am officially older the characters of my beloved childhood show. As a kid growing up watching the show, I never imagined this day would actually arrive.

And yet, here I am.
Living in a world where the vast majority of media figures are half a decade younger than me.
I’m already becoming overwhelmed with the rapid expansion of technology.
I only understand the basic functions of my iPhone.
I start stories with sentences like “are you too young to remember…”.
And Justin Timberlake, Taylor Swift and Elton John were the only performers I recognized at the Grammy’s this year.

In so many ways, I’m becoming irrelevant in segments of life I once thought were so important.

Which has me thinking…
It’s funny how quickly things change.
How one day, you just wake up and you’re…older.
Not old. Just older.

Today, on my 29th birthday, I had the realization that I’ve spent the last year in a power struggle of sorts. A struggle between growing into a more mature, self-aware and wholehearted version of myself, while also hanging on to my youth with every ounce of strength I have.

But in my world, these identities are at odds with one another. And as I begrudgingly entered the first day of my 29th year of life today, I decided to give myself a pep talk before I climbed out of bed in the morning.

What am I holding on to so tightly?
What am I afraid of losing by embracing this new chapter of my life?
Sure, those 16-year-old abs were fabulous. But so what?
Those abs are long gone now,
and I have two dimple faced boys to show for it.
So what is it?

I didn’t have an answer. But as I lay there in bed, inching my toes out from under the covers into the brisk morning air, I came up with a resolution.

A resolution to not let this day be wasted mourning my ridiculous notion of youth. And, a resolution to (ESPECIALLY) not allow another year to go by hanging on to a former version of myself that I don’t even recognize anymore.

The moment my feet hit the floor,
I would start counting my blessings.
Counting all the beautiful people and things and experiences I have to show for the last 29 years of life. And each time I recognized a blessing, I would make a conscious effort to smile in acknowledgment.

Well folks, I smiled a lot today. A lot.
As it turns out, the first birthday I have ever truly dreaded in my life…
This dreaded birthday has blossomed into my best one yet.
Understated. Simple and lavish, all at the same time. Absolutely perfect.
And surrounded with love. Lots and lots and LOTS of love.

So that’s what I’ve taken from today…
That my favorite thing I have to show for the last 29 years is…
LOVE.

Thank you for being a part of what I love so much.

My word of the year for age 29 is wholehearted.
As inspired by Brene Brown in Daring Greatly.
The book getting me through, what I have jokingly refer to as my quarter-life-crisis.
If after reading this quote you feel a bit inspired, join in on the challenge and create your “Enough Statement”. Details here.

A special thank you to Kashoan of Krafty Kash, for creating this special “wholehearted” reminder for me to wear.  Each of her creations is made with pages from vintage dictionaries, books and maps. Next on my wish list is a charm with the map location where Ben and I had our first kiss. 20% OFF with code: LMM20